M.I.A.

After realizing and being scolded by a few various people at the lack of blog writing I've done, I thought I owed an update to those who chance to read this (aka my mother and G.C.). *wink wink*

So tomorrow starts the 7th week of my Phase II school here at YWAM Denver and it has so far been fabulous and really eye-opening. Our first week was on Strengths Finder, which is basically this test that we all had to take before the week started to discover our top five strengths and then we spent the next four days detailing, identifying, and learning how to live and function in our specific strengths. My top five, in case you were curious, are Adaptability, Includer, Restorative, Developer, and Connectedness; which basically means I am a relationship oriented person who goes with the flow and loves to encourage people and see them grow and develop into who they're meant to be. Basically. So yea that week of teaching was really enlightening, it brought so much clarity as to why I act and respond the way I do in certain situations and also how I can better serve and relate to other people as I grow into and discover more of who God has made me to be. The speaker, Chey, that week had us make and keep two lists, one was things we loved and one was things we loathed which we filled throughout the week as we came across certain things that we felt needed to be added to one or both of the lists. Some of the things that I wrote down were contradictory or on both lists, which was weird but it was often that it was due to the situation or setting, not that I was bipolar in my reasoning process. For instance on my loathe it list I have both "not making quick decisions" and "being rushed to make decisions." I promise it makes sense. ha. Anyway, it was fun, and still is fun, discovering how to use my strengths and then making a conscious effort to engage and practice using them in everyday situations. Good times.

About two or so weeks ago we had another lady from Boulder come and speak, which has probably been my favorite week of teaching so far. Brenda Lewis is her name and she taught on dreams and desires and did so with such authority, wisdom, humility, love, and laughter. She really had us think and consider what our dreams were and how we were living in order to achieve those dreams and desires, which made me realize, sadly, that I didn't have any dreams really. I had stopped dreaming for so long, I had become such a practical, down-to-earth thinker that I had completely avoided the idea of dreaming because I labeled all of that as impossible and unrealistic. If I can't achieve it then it will never be possible and I will never see it come to pass, that was my thinking for so long. I had gotten used to being disappointed and let down by my dreams and desires in life as I watched them all fall away unfulfilled that I just quit dreaming or allowing God to fill me with new dreams and desires altogether. Sad but true. Throughout the week Brenda challenged and encouraged us to step out on a limb and trust God to fill us with new dreams and to trust Him to fulfill them in His way and His timing, not our own. Nothing ever turns out the way we think it will anyway. So at the end of that week I took out a sheet of paper and began to write and scribble designs and ideas and hopes and plans that I felt God had been hinting at for awhile and things that I am passionate about and now I am so excited about my future, about what God is going to do, about the dreams and thoughts He's got just for me to walk out here and now. Dreaming again has never made me feel more free and alive. God is so faithful!

Tonight my Phase II school is heading up to the Eagle Rock campus for the week, I can't describe to you my enthusiasm about that fact right now, but it is real high! I spent three amazing months up there and so for me it's like returning home, it makes my heart happy. This week is going to be full of good teachings, a hectic schedule, fireside talks in the dining hall, lovely Jesus time, and living in the mountains again...I am stoked beyond words. I hope that you're week is more than amazing as well, filled with splendid moments and good Jesus time too.

~Josie K.


P.S. Shout out to my lovely mother today for being amazing, kind, patient, loving, caring, open, listening, and an all around terrific mother. I love you mother dearest, happy mom's day!

"The Best Kind Of Prize Is A Sur-prize!"

Pssst!

The outreach locations have been set for my DTS.

Two options.

God knew the answer a month before the big reveal.

Basically, I know where I'm going on my outreach.

But it's more exciting told in person, so the blogger world will have to wait.

Also, I still need to tell my parents.

Yea. <3

~me

Summer Plans

My so-called summer "to-do" list:

1) girl trip to Virginia to see cousins

2) D.C. visit as well

3) dye a streak of my hair hot pink

4) make a few trips down to the beach

5) my BIRTHDAY! planning and celebrating and the likes

6) be a counselor at camp of champions

7) play frisbee or softball or volleyball at least twice a week

8) picnics

9) experiment some more with tie dying

10) apply to YWAM

11) write and send out newsletter

12) hopefully visit family in Nashville again

13) be a counselor at Ikthoos Camp

14) finish at least the fourth season of Buffy

15) talk G.C. into getting me a great dane for my birthday

16) make lots of artsy crafty doodads

17) go swimming and enjoy it. . .water--yuck

18) wrap up small groups :(

19) cook in more and eat out less

20) go to the zoo

21) ride the Bruce more

22) spend more time with the fam

23) soak up every moment of the last summer i will have with all of my friends in the same town

This could possibly be the most bitter-sweet of summers i will ever experience but God is good and all He does is out of love. So, i'm hoping and looking forward to a terrific summer and i hope that you are as well because summer is AWESOME. Exactly.

~me

The Things That Are Exciting

Finals are upon us. In all the fullness of finals. The stress and dumbness and lack of sleep has hit an unnerving high. Literally. The fact that my eye has been in constant twitch mode for a week now cannot be a good sign. No, it just can't. I went over to Gracie's house last night. I walked in the door and she looked at me and immediately offered me coffee. Yea, it's that bad. I'm afraid i might start the zombie apocalypse here soon. So basically if i can make it through to Wed at 5pm central time, alive mind you, I will be ok.
I hope.
So, in other news................................i want to keep it a secret but really, most everyone who reads this blog already knows, so what the heck! I am quitting my job on Friday the 13th of May (ironic, huh?). This seems dumb but i promise i have an explanation. I do. So, this summer = a LOT of changes. People are moving away and basically it sucks. I'm possibly going to be a counselor at COC (yayay) and get to go to the beach with G.C. which leaves me no time to really work. I'd have to take off like every weekend which isn't allowed. PLUS, i'd like to be able to see and hang out with my friends before they leave and before i leave.
Wait what!? Did i just say "i leave"...? Yea. Don't make me repeat myself, kid.
Here's the deal-eo: YWAM. I probably mentioned something about this last year, maybe not, but it's been on my heart for awhile. YWAM stands for Youth With A Mission and is focused on discipling others and then training them to go out and do the same. The lecture phase is 3 months, which is short, but for me it'll be like 12,000 years because i have been prone to get homesick in the past. Maybe that's because i was dying in the Atlanta airport though? Yea...
Let's just say i am ridiculously excited! I still don't yet know where i will be located but i'm waiting. HE is in control and HE loves me, which is comforting beyond measure. I love seeing HIS hand working in my life and HIS timing...oh my gosh HIS timing is always the best. HE is good. I am blessed.
Expecting.

~me

Wheeee!

Secret plans. . . .

muhaha

Panda

Today has been good.
Waitressed until my feet hurt and then went home.
Small chats with Dad.
Waiting till my gas gauge got to "1 mile" before i was on E.
Picnic at the winery with my book.
Silence.
Mr. Dinosaur's birthday.
Short and nice chats.
Can i have a dog, please?
Wishing i had ridden my bike today.
Tomorrow will have to make up for it though.
10 page paper is looking more and more daunting.
Did i pick the right book?!!? :-/
Fable. Watching.
Dragon Age, i will see you soon.....promise.
I miss my short hair.
Almost a year since last major cut.

So, as soon as school lets out at the end of this month (HURRAH!!) i am going to be spending my time filling out 9,000 applications for nursing school. Deadlines for Spring admission is in September, so i'm hoping to get them out by July. I can overcome procrastination if i try. It's true. Also, being sneaky, i'm planning to fill out a DTS (Discipleship Training School) admission packet. Both as a backup and because i really want to.

Explosions In The Sky concert over the weekend was completely wonderful. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. Going to see a band in concert generally always bumps up my approval and admiration for them. They were spectacular live and we had grand seats in the balcony. Pro. Drive = PETA, snails pace, gummy worms, rear ending other cars, God's grace, reading, silly talks, "52 degrees!", prom, whispers, G.C. makes me laugh.


Also. . . .I REALLY want to go to the zoo, btw. So desperately. Let's go.....please.


~me

The Fail Boat Is Docking

At this current moment in time i just wish that school had a face, or a stomach, just something that i could punch or stare at harshly. Instead i will write. Getting into nursing school really shouldn't be this hard. Perhaps i wasn't cut out for this. Maybe i'm not nurse material. Should i look elsewhere? Should i venture out onto something new and different? Or do i stick it out until i see a letter that says "congratulations, you've been accepted!" rather than another "regretfully. . ."

I feel like it's too early in the game to say that i'm worn out, but then again i should be graduating in two months and i'm not. Everyone around me has a plan or goal with a route in mind or in sight. I don't want to wallow or get all self-centered and pitiful, i just want some understanding. I know i'm not the only one who has gone through something like this or has felt this bummed but geez louise it sure does feel that way. Absolutely rotten.

Everyone says go to school, finish your degree plan, graduate, you'll be happy you did, it'll help you in the long run, etc. What if i don't want to. I am so sick of school. I've considered dropping out, doing long-term missions, but then what about this "economic crisis" we're in? How do you argue that? Do you? What if my heart is just not in it anymore? What if HE tells me to keep on at it until i DO see that "congrats" letter? Should i run until i get so tired that i can't even crawl?

I've got to figure out the right question. And then. . . .and then i'll let you know...

~Me

New Plan. . . !

There seems to be this really frustrating pattern in my life. It involves plan A, then plan B, then if that doesn't work i move on to plan C. Yes, plan D has made an appearance once or twice. I just wish that plan A would work so that plan B, C, and even D didn't even have to exist.

One of the lovely truths about God is that HE never has a backup plan, never has to resort to plan B. HE has known what HE's doing from the beginning, HE never has to question or re-plan or ask us if we have a better route in mind. I'm pretty sure that inputting our ideas/plans could be potentially disastrous. So, if HE has had plan A all along why do we constantly insert plan A.2 or A.7, thinking that it is close enough, maybe even slightly better than what HE has prepared? Or simply put, plan A works, plan B, aka the fail plan, does not.

I would very much like to know HIS plan because i thought i did, but now i am quite unsure. That nursing school i was sure i was getting into...yea, it didn't happen. So what's next? I have one other nursing school which i'm applying to. After that, though, i really have no plan B. Honestly, i'm tired of looking for another route, because it doesn't matter if i haven't sought HIM out first and foremost. My routes lead to dead ends and frustration. New Plan: don't make any plans.

~ME