The Fail Boat Is Docking

At this current moment in time i just wish that school had a face, or a stomach, just something that i could punch or stare at harshly. Instead i will write. Getting into nursing school really shouldn't be this hard. Perhaps i wasn't cut out for this. Maybe i'm not nurse material. Should i look elsewhere? Should i venture out onto something new and different? Or do i stick it out until i see a letter that says "congratulations, you've been accepted!" rather than another "regretfully. . ."

I feel like it's too early in the game to say that i'm worn out, but then again i should be graduating in two months and i'm not. Everyone around me has a plan or goal with a route in mind or in sight. I don't want to wallow or get all self-centered and pitiful, i just want some understanding. I know i'm not the only one who has gone through something like this or has felt this bummed but geez louise it sure does feel that way. Absolutely rotten.

Everyone says go to school, finish your degree plan, graduate, you'll be happy you did, it'll help you in the long run, etc. What if i don't want to. I am so sick of school. I've considered dropping out, doing long-term missions, but then what about this "economic crisis" we're in? How do you argue that? Do you? What if my heart is just not in it anymore? What if HE tells me to keep on at it until i DO see that "congrats" letter? Should i run until i get so tired that i can't even crawl?

I've got to figure out the right question. And then. . . .and then i'll let you know...

~Me

New Plan. . . !

There seems to be this really frustrating pattern in my life. It involves plan A, then plan B, then if that doesn't work i move on to plan C. Yes, plan D has made an appearance once or twice. I just wish that plan A would work so that plan B, C, and even D didn't even have to exist.

One of the lovely truths about God is that HE never has a backup plan, never has to resort to plan B. HE has known what HE's doing from the beginning, HE never has to question or re-plan or ask us if we have a better route in mind. I'm pretty sure that inputting our ideas/plans could be potentially disastrous. So, if HE has had plan A all along why do we constantly insert plan A.2 or A.7, thinking that it is close enough, maybe even slightly better than what HE has prepared? Or simply put, plan A works, plan B, aka the fail plan, does not.

I would very much like to know HIS plan because i thought i did, but now i am quite unsure. That nursing school i was sure i was getting into...yea, it didn't happen. So what's next? I have one other nursing school which i'm applying to. After that, though, i really have no plan B. Honestly, i'm tired of looking for another route, because it doesn't matter if i haven't sought HIM out first and foremost. My routes lead to dead ends and frustration. New Plan: don't make any plans.

~ME

Mountains, Here I Come. . . !

I always seem to blog when i should be studying. Is this a problem. Most likely, yes. But the reading was getting boring and i was starting to fall asleep...again.

Well it snowed. Again. At least five whole inches and it was marvelous. Some friends and i went sledding at one of the only hills in town and had a blast. When can i move to the mountains?? The last time i remember sledding i was seven and in Montana.
The kids all sled down the hill on our butts in a train-like formation. I remember running into a tree more than once. That was also the only time i have ever been skiing. I ran into a building that time. I must have skills. Perhaps moving to a snowy climate would be a brutal decision? I loved Montana though, it was ridiculously beautiful and open. Miss it. Also, i would blend in! How cool would that be? I could be like the snow queen from Narnia...minus the evil schemes and bad temper of course.

I sent off my letter and admission packet to USM a few weeks ago. This one lady had to call me a few times to get things sorted out and send her more stuffs, but she was so pleasant. I appreciated her and her niceness because of my nervousness. *Anxiety overload!!* I have no clue when i will hear back from them and moreover i have no idea what i'll do when i get accepted. MOVE AWAY!? ahh. Hullo, i am a major introvert. Also, this raises a million questions as to where i'd live, with whom, how i'd support myself, etc. Nursing school kind of frightens me but i will conquer if they dare give me the chance. If not, i'm moving to Turkey.


~Me

Discovery Chanel

I currently feel like an old woman. Heat packs, ice packs, pain pills, and naps. What has happened to my body? I think i have begun to fall apart prematurely which does not leave me with a good feeling about what another 20 years will bring. AH! Perhaps my body needs a dose of adventure to cure its aches and pains. Rock climbing? Water rafting? Or would this make it worse? A greater part of me just says "who cares!" My bones can take it; i've never broken one so they have nothing against me and aren't likely to snap on me. So there.

Sometimes school can be dumb. But a lot of the time school can be cool. I guess that would make my relationship with school a love-hate one? Makes sense. I just want to graduate. As a nurse. Is that so much to ask? I didn't think so. Applications are in the process of being filled out and mailed. I know that in this day and age it is respectful and critical that one have a job with a steady income. Totally understandable. Money doesn't grow on trees, etc. BUT SCHOOL?!! Why? Why is it frowned upon if you put off your education or travel amidst the learning for awhile? Why do we feel we must live up to society's expectations and the worlds demands of how we should act, learn, love, behave, or just LIVE? Since when do 'they' get to have a say or thought in what i do.


I want to take a semester off again and travel, go on mission trips, and just explore the world with my own two hands and eyes instead of through someone else's interpretation through a textbook or whatever. Yes, trip[S], as in multiple ones. I want a door to just swing wide and loudly open before me so i can wildly go running through it. Call me crazy, call me dumb, call me ridiculous and naive, i don't care. There are almost SEVEN BILLION people in this world. There are ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-FIVE countries. There are too many mountains to hike and rivers to ride and roads to explore. I have to go. I have to discover. I want to. I need to.

~Me

Christmas Miracles Are Present

Went to sleep Christmas eve night after a lovely read and woke up the next morning to the little sister busting in my room at 8 am screaming at my very asleep self "IT'S SNOWING!!" We live in Mississippi, so as you can imagine this is a once in a lifetime event. It was definitely one of HIS quite humorous acts -- seeing as how it was about 40 degrees when it was snowing and it stuck. Christmas miracle.
My cousins come in tomorrow. I am bursting with excitement. We're in the process of trying to figure out what to do, however. It is Winter in Mississippi...there isn't much activity or scenery. IDEAS needed! We are doing a photo shoot though, Jordan and Rose graduate in May and have been begging to do one for when they come down. This will be an adventure for sure.

I'm in the process of writing an essay for admittance to nursing school. It is a pain. There must be an easier way. I think i may have to spill all of my nursing ambitions, hopes, and aspirations and then add some humor. They will be reading a lot of essays, might as well have a laugh in the midst of it all, yea? This is like my life or death paper, which is somewhat frightening, but i'm not panicking. Too badly. It's due before the 15th. Pressure is on. Where's my coffee?

~Me