Like A Drum. . .

There is an aching in my belly and a stirring in my soul to write of the wonderful chaos that seems to be swirling inside of me, yet I can find no words. They seem to have been all but used up by the poets and writers who've come before me and who've put what I am feeling into words more beautifully scripted than I could ever dare compose. Yet I need to express it, somehow, someway, in some exquisite form or another, so as to convey to the small world around me the joys and fears that build with each passing day.
I am discovering what makes me come alive and that I am loved and lovely just as I am and have to change for no one. I am capable of much and yet still in need of much grace and wisdom as I travel along in life with the people who are here to travel with me. My dreams and desires are so much bigger than I can even handle on some days, I often think that they are tremendously silly and impossible, questioning if they will be fulfilled or if I will have someone beside me to fulfill them with. This journey is never certain, the people you travel with are never guaranteed to stick around the entire length of the trek, but you travel and press on just the same. You meet new strangers who soon become friends, and maybe something more, you invest your time, risk being vulnerable, and challenge yourself and them to dream bigger and live to a higher standard and calling with beautiful expectations and hopes on the horizon because to hell with it if we're not. There are always new books to read, places to see, people to meet and learn to love, oceans to swim, and dreams to be chased - - the journey doesn't ever end until we're dead. So I am trying to make the most of it, trying not to miss out on the beauty and the mystery of life, yet all the while being extremely terrified and nervous of the next bend in the road. How will it make my heart beat? Will I be able to handle the fierce drumming of stumbling upon something or someone lovely? or even the plummeting sensation of discovering something beautifully painful or terrifyingly risky? I still don't know and may never know. But I have to travel, I have to explore, I must take risks, be daring and bold, courageous and free, otherwise I will suffocate in my need to see and experience all the beauty there is to behold. . . in love.

A&E......anxiety & excitement

Things that cause panic and mini anxiety attacks:

--checking on the flight status for 7 travelers that leave for another country in two days and not being able to find any of the information you need, calling the airline service in a panic to sort out details, then calming down because you've realized you accidentally put in the flight number for the second flight, not the first. Computers cannot read minds nor correct silly mistakes automatically. 

The moral of this story is, "calm down and double check your digits."


There is a very well balanced mixture of anxiety and excitement swirling about inside me as I and my lovely group of girls prepare to travel to the beautiful country of Guatemala. There is no way that this time last year I would have ever thought that I'd be doing this or traveling there. I am learning that when you set really big dreams and goals, even ones you think are outlandish and impossible, that God is still faithful to see that they happen, that those dreams get fulfilled. He knows the desires of our hearts, He put them there in the first place, we simply must learn to hand all of those desires and dreams back into His hands in order for them to come to fruition. These are the truths I am discovering. 

I have no idea what or who we will encounter or what the ministry times will look like, however I know how good the Father is and I am expecting Him and Him alone. I just want Him to work, Him to speak, and Him to move in all situations and in every heart because that is all that counts and all that matters. His glory is our goal. 

His Nearness Is Our Good

Have you ever taken a sip of your drink thinking it was perhaps sweet tea only to find out upon that first swig that you had actually poured yourself sprite instead? Startling isn't it? There is nothing more surprising than expecting one thing and instead getting something completely different, whether that be in drink beverage or in life. Most people don't like surprises, it makes them uncomfortable and nervous usually because they didn't have a part in the planning or orchestrating of it, therefore they obviously don't know what's coming. Rough, I know.

I have been surprised over and over again as of late by not only myself, but also others and most of all by God. There seems to be this lesson that I am in need of learning which is to expect God and Him alone. Not to expect my plans or my co-laborers plans or my teams plans or the pastors plans or the groups plans, but to expect Jesus. Just Jesus, in every circumstance.

Expecting the King means laying down our will, our way, and our rights in order that He be properly exalted and enthroned in our hearts and in our lives. The thing about that is that it's not easy, but that is another good aspect about the Father; He hasn't called us to walk an easy road but just to follow Him. He doesn't burden us but does offer to carry the burdens we and others have put upon our own backs. He doesn't call us to fish for men and speak the truth in love because that's simple and easy, but He calls to do that because He first loved us, He first gave all He had to us.

There is something tender and humbling when we reach the point where we realize He is worth more than our current dismal and trying circumstances. He is a better sight than wherever we may have chosen to set our gaze that isn't Him. He is worthy of being expected in the mundane as well as in the extraordinary events of our life, whether we feel it or not. Because regardless of how we feel He is still and always will be worthy of our praise and adoration.

I do not write this because I have it figured out or have mastered the art of honoring Him with every breath I take, but because I see His strength in my weakness and know that I need Him ever more. His nearness is our good. Expect Him and never be dismayed or disappointed for He is King of kings and LORD of lords, there in none like Him.

~Josie

Update Mate

Today is Wednesday, but you could have told me otherwise and I would have believed you. My days have been thrown so off kilter that it's slightly unnerving. Schedules are generally my friend and routine in small doses is also nice, which is slowly making it's way back into my life. Hi, i'm slightly ocd about those kinds of things.

Anyway, so this past week or so has been a crazy whirlwind of fun, new people, new places, adventures, revelations, and insights. Last week we talked about Kingdom Culture and what that involved and how to apply it to our daily lives. The five basic parts of Kingdom Culture are intimacy, honor, gratitude, life in the Spirit, and family, which can all be broken down and expounded upon. For instance, my small group took the five and wrote down our own thoughts concerning a particular aspect and then what we could recall from what we got in lecture time. I got the word intimacy and broke it down basically to 'knowing love from another without the fear of judgement' and then related it back to Song of Songs 4:7 which talks of how God sees us without flaw or blemish. Which really is a beautiful picture. I love that book of the bible anyway.

This week, starting yesterday, was the official start of lecture week. We have a local pastor, Black Mattocks, coming up the mountain all week to talk about the nature and character of God and so far it has been insanely awesome! He's laying down the building blocks and introducing us to his character in a really cool way. He's very engaging and excited about what God has done and shown him in his life and about teaching it to us. I'm excited too, to be honest. Yesterday he was talking about how there are no posers in the Kingdom of God. We're not allowed to have walls or fake identities because we've declared that we have surrendered that to God if we also declare that we are His children. It reminded me of that scripture, I think it's in John, where it talks about how nothing is hidden from God, but everything is uncovered and laid bare before Him, which is exactly how we're supposed to be living before God and before the body of Christ and the world. He's called us to be His ambassadors and we can't do that if we're pretending we're someone or something that we're not. He sees through our disguises so might as well take them off and surrender them willingly to begin with. Can I get an "Amen"??! :D

Anyway, I will write of more exciting God things soon, but right now I am wiped out. This upcoming week, Monday through Wednesday, our whole DTS group plus the other four ywam bases in CO, which adds up to somewhere around 400 people will be in Colorado Springs. We're going to this conference called Acts 1 and it's supposed to be awesome. I'm expecting amazing things to come out of this next week...and these next five months. I'm stoked, guys...to the core. I miss you all back home and hope to keep you more updated. Love!

~Josie