A&E......anxiety & excitement

Things that cause panic and mini anxiety attacks:

--checking on the flight status for 7 travelers that leave for another country in two days and not being able to find any of the information you need, calling the airline service in a panic to sort out details, then calming down because you've realized you accidentally put in the flight number for the second flight, not the first. Computers cannot read minds nor correct silly mistakes automatically. 

The moral of this story is, "calm down and double check your digits."


There is a very well balanced mixture of anxiety and excitement swirling about inside me as I and my lovely group of girls prepare to travel to the beautiful country of Guatemala. There is no way that this time last year I would have ever thought that I'd be doing this or traveling there. I am learning that when you set really big dreams and goals, even ones you think are outlandish and impossible, that God is still faithful to see that they happen, that those dreams get fulfilled. He knows the desires of our hearts, He put them there in the first place, we simply must learn to hand all of those desires and dreams back into His hands in order for them to come to fruition. These are the truths I am discovering. 

I have no idea what or who we will encounter or what the ministry times will look like, however I know how good the Father is and I am expecting Him and Him alone. I just want Him to work, Him to speak, and Him to move in all situations and in every heart because that is all that counts and all that matters. His glory is our goal. 

Short Note

Hullo. I have finally returned from yet another week of church camp. I was exhausted. Do notice the past tense of that sentence. Yea, i totally slept for thirteen hours last night. Wowzers, i know, but i'm pretty sure i needed it. Also, my adductor muscle hates me. At this camp there was a slip n' slide and at this slip n' slide there was a girl, this girl's name was Josie. As this girl slid her way down the slip 'n slide for the thousandth time she, in her attempt to avoid colliding with a small child, pulled her adductor muscle. Oh the joys of being an old lady. Putting on pants is now an accomplishment....sad, i know. But aside from that, the camp was wonderful. I met some great people and made some wonderful memories. Love it.

I bought a hammock. It was waiting for me on my front step when i arrived home from camp

yesterday. I. AM. SO. EXCITED. I've been wanting a hammock for what feels like a forever so i finally broke down and got one. Yay! I haven't used it yet, mainly because of the adductor muscle hiccup, but i have high expectations of it. I know we will become fast friends. Mine is blue, but here's a picture to give you an idea. . .

So, my anxiety is slowly building as the days go on. Why, you ask? Well, my application for YWAM that i sent off a month ago has not made it to the YWAM base. Is it lost? Is it at the wrong YWAM base? I have no idea. Hence the slight panic. Anyway, I say all this so that 1) you know and most importantly that 2) you will pray with me that it finds it's way to the correct YWAM base. HE is in control...always.

~me

Summer Plans

My so-called summer "to-do" list:

1) girl trip to Virginia to see cousins

2) D.C. visit as well

3) dye a streak of my hair hot pink

4) make a few trips down to the beach

5) my BIRTHDAY! planning and celebrating and the likes

6) be a counselor at camp of champions

7) play frisbee or softball or volleyball at least twice a week

8) picnics

9) experiment some more with tie dying

10) apply to YWAM

11) write and send out newsletter

12) hopefully visit family in Nashville again

13) be a counselor at Ikthoos Camp

14) finish at least the fourth season of Buffy

15) talk G.C. into getting me a great dane for my birthday

16) make lots of artsy crafty doodads

17) go swimming and enjoy it. . .water--yuck

18) wrap up small groups :(

19) cook in more and eat out less

20) go to the zoo

21) ride the Bruce more

22) spend more time with the fam

23) soak up every moment of the last summer i will have with all of my friends in the same town

This could possibly be the most bitter-sweet of summers i will ever experience but God is good and all He does is out of love. So, i'm hoping and looking forward to a terrific summer and i hope that you are as well because summer is AWESOME. Exactly.

~me

The Things That Are Exciting

Finals are upon us. In all the fullness of finals. The stress and dumbness and lack of sleep has hit an unnerving high. Literally. The fact that my eye has been in constant twitch mode for a week now cannot be a good sign. No, it just can't. I went over to Gracie's house last night. I walked in the door and she looked at me and immediately offered me coffee. Yea, it's that bad. I'm afraid i might start the zombie apocalypse here soon. So basically if i can make it through to Wed at 5pm central time, alive mind you, I will be ok.
I hope.
So, in other news................................i want to keep it a secret but really, most everyone who reads this blog already knows, so what the heck! I am quitting my job on Friday the 13th of May (ironic, huh?). This seems dumb but i promise i have an explanation. I do. So, this summer = a LOT of changes. People are moving away and basically it sucks. I'm possibly going to be a counselor at COC (yayay) and get to go to the beach with G.C. which leaves me no time to really work. I'd have to take off like every weekend which isn't allowed. PLUS, i'd like to be able to see and hang out with my friends before they leave and before i leave.
Wait what!? Did i just say "i leave"...? Yea. Don't make me repeat myself, kid.
Here's the deal-eo: YWAM. I probably mentioned something about this last year, maybe not, but it's been on my heart for awhile. YWAM stands for Youth With A Mission and is focused on discipling others and then training them to go out and do the same. The lecture phase is 3 months, which is short, but for me it'll be like 12,000 years because i have been prone to get homesick in the past. Maybe that's because i was dying in the Atlanta airport though? Yea...
Let's just say i am ridiculously excited! I still don't yet know where i will be located but i'm waiting. HE is in control and HE loves me, which is comforting beyond measure. I love seeing HIS hand working in my life and HIS timing...oh my gosh HIS timing is always the best. HE is good. I am blessed.
Expecting.

~me

P.S.

I didn't start out on this journey with a backup plan. I knew where i was headed, i knew exactly what i was going to do and i had a pretty good idea of how i was going to get there. However, one bump came, i rode over it, but what i didn't see was the huge mountain that was waiting around the curve. Nothing has ever pounded me so hard in the face as this has. This one mountain is keeping me from my goals, it's keeping me from reaching my destination and causing me to fret and become disoriented along the way. Perhaps, though, my problem isn't that silly mountain, but instead it is myself. Perhaps i have the ability to move that mountain or even to step over it, but i do nothing about it. I keep expecting that mountain to move on it's own, to get up and walk off my path and set itself down in a field far away. That silly mountain wasn't in my plan, it wasn't part of my journey, or so i believed. Perhaps that mountain is there, not to keep me from reaching my destination but to teach me a lesson on this side, a lesson that i couldn't learn if i were to hastily cross its peak. I like to know the reasons behind things, tell me why this works and how and for what purpose, then i will understand more fully. But here i am, in the dark and in the waiting, left to figure out what to do with this huge mountain at my doorstep.


My sister and i drove back from Nashville today. We drove by the home of the eleventh president and stopped to look and take pictures. Yet another good reason why i dislike taking the highways or interstates; spontaneous stops! Also, i am a fan of road trips. Fun people, good music and a friendly gps. Yes, ma'am! Please can i go on more? Kthanks.

~Me

Your Great Aunt Helen Could Probably Think Of A Better Title Than I. . .

I'm really not sure why I'm updating my blog right now. Or why I insist on capitalizing my i's, so maybe i won't. But really, i'm at the beach and i'm updating my blog. Go figure. I thought about walking out to the beach tonight after we got in from supper, but i made myself some coffee and read a few bits instead. I've always heard that the beach at night is lovely. Although, the beach during the day, when proper amounts of sunscreen have been applied, is lovely as well. It's kind of hard to escape the beauty when you're outside. The ocean is so huge, the sky is so blue, the sand is hot but it sparkles in the sunlight, and we saw dolphins two days in a row. I personally love the mountains much more than the beach, but i have slowly grown an apprecitaion for the beauty that the beach holds, but perhaps not so much of an appreciation for the relentless beating down of the sun. Hullo, i am made of pale. It really amazes me that people can walk around day after day and take in the amazing glory and beauty and still deny the One who made it all. It's inescapeable. I so badly want to grab the arm of the closest human being and say "look! do you see that? isn't it glorious? have you ever seen such magnificent colors scraped across the sky in such a beautiful display? isn't HE awesome!" But part of me fears that their reply would be something like "yea, uh-huh, it's just another sunset..." Perhaps all i can do is hope that one may get it and realize the depth of HIS goodness and be broken and forever changed. If i could just have that one. Yes, I would like to be contagiously giddy on HIS behalf. That sounds like a fun life to lead.

I should probably stop this blog post here, but i'm not. It's a decent note to end on, however, i want to talk about dolphins. So, the closest i've ever been to a dolphin is watching the movie flipper. Yea, not so close. But that has all changed because Mr B and i went out in the kiyaks yesterday and it just so happened that those lovely crestures were headed our way. Those dolphins are HUGE. We must have come within about five yards of them and it was an absolutely amazing sight. Hurray for adventures!

I have not eaten lobster this week, but i am currently the color of one. We had dinner at Seaside and it was quite windy, but the crab cakes were yummy. My boyfriend shaved his head while i was away...i have no further comment on that at this time. I'll get use to it i'm sure. I have many pet peeves, one of which is cabinet doors that are left wide open... please excuse me while i go shut it...

~Me

Different

I'm pretty sure this has been one of the more exciting/boring summer with many highs and just as many lows. Still trying to decide what exactly to make of it really. I had grand thoughts and wonderful ideas and brilliant plans, but only a few of those have actually come to pass. HE is bigger than my dreams, even if mine do seem rather wonderful from this viewpoint...

Well, for one thing, I never thought I would be leading a high school girls bible study this summer. It = the biggest highlight of my summer thus far! We're going through David Crowder's book Praise Habit and it is remarkable. I've read it 5 times before, but actually taking it and breaking it down even further and connecting it back to other stories in the bible and discussing it with these wonderful girls has made it so much more enjoyable this sixth time around. Tomorrow night for bible study we're doing Psalm 40 & 50 and incorporating Giligan's Isle and leis. I am so excited. Preparing for a bible study is more work than I ever imagined but the reward of seeing a light bulb go off in their eyes each week and then seeing them walk before HIM is awesome. I want to do this for the rest of my life.

One of the more interesting happenings of this summer began with an email. I got a FWD message from my mom from the Petrie's who are missionaries in Belgium. Mrs. Petrie, due to a tragic fall, is paralyzed from the neck down and is in need of constant care. I was excited to go serve her, made the preparations, budgeted my trip, even had what I felt was a confirmation through a dream. However, it wasn't for me. Another girl got the slot before I did and I was beyond devastated. I would say that this was THE major downfall of my summer, but really it was probably the greatest lesson ever. "MY will before yours." If I had gone to Belgium I would have missed where HE has called me; which is with these high school girls. I still want to go to Belgium, but will leave that up to HIS timing. However, I didn't miss it.

Sometimes I wish I knew all of the answers and all of the right turns and things to say, but the truth is I would never learn anything if that were the case. We don't come into life knowing everything, it's a continual journey of being taught, whether you refuse the lesson or not. The lesson of being the follower rather than the leader is one I should have learned long ago, my stubborn nature must have gotten in the way though...

Listening to the cicadas roar outside my window. Summer is upon us. Had a lemon-lime fruit slush today. It made my cheeks do that weird sour face. Moving houses next week...hard to believe it's been a whole year.

~Me