Like A Drum. . .

There is an aching in my belly and a stirring in my soul to write of the wonderful chaos that seems to be swirling inside of me, yet I can find no words. They seem to have been all but used up by the poets and writers who've come before me and who've put what I am feeling into words more beautifully scripted than I could ever dare compose. Yet I need to express it, somehow, someway, in some exquisite form or another, so as to convey to the small world around me the joys and fears that build with each passing day.
I am discovering what makes me come alive and that I am loved and lovely just as I am and have to change for no one. I am capable of much and yet still in need of much grace and wisdom as I travel along in life with the people who are here to travel with me. My dreams and desires are so much bigger than I can even handle on some days, I often think that they are tremendously silly and impossible, questioning if they will be fulfilled or if I will have someone beside me to fulfill them with. This journey is never certain, the people you travel with are never guaranteed to stick around the entire length of the trek, but you travel and press on just the same. You meet new strangers who soon become friends, and maybe something more, you invest your time, risk being vulnerable, and challenge yourself and them to dream bigger and live to a higher standard and calling with beautiful expectations and hopes on the horizon because to hell with it if we're not. There are always new books to read, places to see, people to meet and learn to love, oceans to swim, and dreams to be chased - - the journey doesn't ever end until we're dead. So I am trying to make the most of it, trying not to miss out on the beauty and the mystery of life, yet all the while being extremely terrified and nervous of the next bend in the road. How will it make my heart beat? Will I be able to handle the fierce drumming of stumbling upon something or someone lovely? or even the plummeting sensation of discovering something beautifully painful or terrifyingly risky? I still don't know and may never know. But I have to travel, I have to explore, I must take risks, be daring and bold, courageous and free, otherwise I will suffocate in my need to see and experience all the beauty there is to behold. . . in love.

A&E......anxiety & excitement

Things that cause panic and mini anxiety attacks:

--checking on the flight status for 7 travelers that leave for another country in two days and not being able to find any of the information you need, calling the airline service in a panic to sort out details, then calming down because you've realized you accidentally put in the flight number for the second flight, not the first. Computers cannot read minds nor correct silly mistakes automatically. 

The moral of this story is, "calm down and double check your digits."


There is a very well balanced mixture of anxiety and excitement swirling about inside me as I and my lovely group of girls prepare to travel to the beautiful country of Guatemala. There is no way that this time last year I would have ever thought that I'd be doing this or traveling there. I am learning that when you set really big dreams and goals, even ones you think are outlandish and impossible, that God is still faithful to see that they happen, that those dreams get fulfilled. He knows the desires of our hearts, He put them there in the first place, we simply must learn to hand all of those desires and dreams back into His hands in order for them to come to fruition. These are the truths I am discovering. 

I have no idea what or who we will encounter or what the ministry times will look like, however I know how good the Father is and I am expecting Him and Him alone. I just want Him to work, Him to speak, and Him to move in all situations and in every heart because that is all that counts and all that matters. His glory is our goal. 

His Nearness Is Our Good

Have you ever taken a sip of your drink thinking it was perhaps sweet tea only to find out upon that first swig that you had actually poured yourself sprite instead? Startling isn't it? There is nothing more surprising than expecting one thing and instead getting something completely different, whether that be in drink beverage or in life. Most people don't like surprises, it makes them uncomfortable and nervous usually because they didn't have a part in the planning or orchestrating of it, therefore they obviously don't know what's coming. Rough, I know.

I have been surprised over and over again as of late by not only myself, but also others and most of all by God. There seems to be this lesson that I am in need of learning which is to expect God and Him alone. Not to expect my plans or my co-laborers plans or my teams plans or the pastors plans or the groups plans, but to expect Jesus. Just Jesus, in every circumstance.

Expecting the King means laying down our will, our way, and our rights in order that He be properly exalted and enthroned in our hearts and in our lives. The thing about that is that it's not easy, but that is another good aspect about the Father; He hasn't called us to walk an easy road but just to follow Him. He doesn't burden us but does offer to carry the burdens we and others have put upon our own backs. He doesn't call us to fish for men and speak the truth in love because that's simple and easy, but He calls to do that because He first loved us, He first gave all He had to us.

There is something tender and humbling when we reach the point where we realize He is worth more than our current dismal and trying circumstances. He is a better sight than wherever we may have chosen to set our gaze that isn't Him. He is worthy of being expected in the mundane as well as in the extraordinary events of our life, whether we feel it or not. Because regardless of how we feel He is still and always will be worthy of our praise and adoration.

I do not write this because I have it figured out or have mastered the art of honoring Him with every breath I take, but because I see His strength in my weakness and know that I need Him ever more. His nearness is our good. Expect Him and never be dismayed or disappointed for He is King of kings and LORD of lords, there in none like Him.

~Josie

M.I.A.

After realizing and being scolded by a few various people at the lack of blog writing I've done, I thought I owed an update to those who chance to read this (aka my mother and G.C.). *wink wink*

So tomorrow starts the 7th week of my Phase II school here at YWAM Denver and it has so far been fabulous and really eye-opening. Our first week was on Strengths Finder, which is basically this test that we all had to take before the week started to discover our top five strengths and then we spent the next four days detailing, identifying, and learning how to live and function in our specific strengths. My top five, in case you were curious, are Adaptability, Includer, Restorative, Developer, and Connectedness; which basically means I am a relationship oriented person who goes with the flow and loves to encourage people and see them grow and develop into who they're meant to be. Basically. So yea that week of teaching was really enlightening, it brought so much clarity as to why I act and respond the way I do in certain situations and also how I can better serve and relate to other people as I grow into and discover more of who God has made me to be. The speaker, Chey, that week had us make and keep two lists, one was things we loved and one was things we loathed which we filled throughout the week as we came across certain things that we felt needed to be added to one or both of the lists. Some of the things that I wrote down were contradictory or on both lists, which was weird but it was often that it was due to the situation or setting, not that I was bipolar in my reasoning process. For instance on my loathe it list I have both "not making quick decisions" and "being rushed to make decisions." I promise it makes sense. ha. Anyway, it was fun, and still is fun, discovering how to use my strengths and then making a conscious effort to engage and practice using them in everyday situations. Good times.

About two or so weeks ago we had another lady from Boulder come and speak, which has probably been my favorite week of teaching so far. Brenda Lewis is her name and she taught on dreams and desires and did so with such authority, wisdom, humility, love, and laughter. She really had us think and consider what our dreams were and how we were living in order to achieve those dreams and desires, which made me realize, sadly, that I didn't have any dreams really. I had stopped dreaming for so long, I had become such a practical, down-to-earth thinker that I had completely avoided the idea of dreaming because I labeled all of that as impossible and unrealistic. If I can't achieve it then it will never be possible and I will never see it come to pass, that was my thinking for so long. I had gotten used to being disappointed and let down by my dreams and desires in life as I watched them all fall away unfulfilled that I just quit dreaming or allowing God to fill me with new dreams and desires altogether. Sad but true. Throughout the week Brenda challenged and encouraged us to step out on a limb and trust God to fill us with new dreams and to trust Him to fulfill them in His way and His timing, not our own. Nothing ever turns out the way we think it will anyway. So at the end of that week I took out a sheet of paper and began to write and scribble designs and ideas and hopes and plans that I felt God had been hinting at for awhile and things that I am passionate about and now I am so excited about my future, about what God is going to do, about the dreams and thoughts He's got just for me to walk out here and now. Dreaming again has never made me feel more free and alive. God is so faithful!

Tonight my Phase II school is heading up to the Eagle Rock campus for the week, I can't describe to you my enthusiasm about that fact right now, but it is real high! I spent three amazing months up there and so for me it's like returning home, it makes my heart happy. This week is going to be full of good teachings, a hectic schedule, fireside talks in the dining hall, lovely Jesus time, and living in the mountains again...I am stoked beyond words. I hope that you're week is more than amazing as well, filled with splendid moments and good Jesus time too.

~Josie K.


P.S. Shout out to my lovely mother today for being amazing, kind, patient, loving, caring, open, listening, and an all around terrific mother. I love you mother dearest, happy mom's day!

Gloria a Dios!

It would be nice if I even knew where to start with updating you all on the past 2+ months of my life, it's just hard to wrap life experiences and crazy God moments into a set of paragraphs. I'll give it my best though...

I finally arrived back home this past Sunday after 5 long and wonderful months of being away in CO with Youth with a mission. It has been strange and good being home, adjusting to "normal" life has its highs and lows but God has continued to show Himself faithful and constant amidst it all. Life as I once knew it has forever changed and there is no going back.

Outreach with my team to the Dominican Republic and Haiti was more amazing, eye-opening, and heart-breaking than I could have ever anticipated or imagined. I was asking God before we left for outreach what He wanted me to learn/get out of this outreach and He said "to be more willing." So, as one can imagine, God challenged me and I learned what it looked like to be willing to pick up kids until my back ached; willing to declare to a crowd the things God has done in my life; willing to hike the mountain of death; willing to love when it was hardest; willing to allow God to speak through me; willing to allow God to change me; willing to listen to the rhythm of His heartbeat; willing to bring Kingdom to earth no matter how I was feeling that day. There were quite a few days when I just didn't want to do a thing or open my mouth to share, but God never refused to meet us where we were or show us love in our frail and broken state so I had to daily make a conscious effort to strive to love and serve more. God was faithful to fulfill His promises and show Himself strong even in my weakest states.

On New Years day in the DR our team attended a local church that the DR YWAM base leader, Mitch, regularly attended. This was our second time visiting, the first time I had such a blast...the Dominicans really know how to keep a beat and go wild with it in worship! As we all settled into our seats and started worship one of my outreach leaders tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I wanted to give my testimony because they were giving us a slot that night to do so. I said sure and then started freaking out. I had something prepared but it's still nerve-racking, if not slightly intimidating. I eventually got up on the stage and began to speak in front of 200+ people and had such an overwhelming peace come over me. I was able to share with the people there about how I was once rooted in the lies that the world and the enemy had spoken over me, which lead to rotten thoughts and attitudes. Then I was able to tell them how God's truth, when you read it, listen to it, and accept it, will give you a solid and immovable foundation that gives you freedom and life. I always used to claim that my testimony, because I never got into any real trouble, had no power and would never be good enough for God too use. However, I soon realized that when I'm willing to say "yes" to God and allow Him to do what He wants through my life that anything is possible. God will use every area of your submitted life to bring Him glory, which is a humbling honor. The Spirit was heavy in that church that night and I know God was moving in people's hearts, you could feel it in the air, it was incredible.

After three weeks in the DR we traveled by bus to Haiti. The bus ride was supposed to be 8 hours, it turned into a 24 hour bus ride, but that's another story entirely. Our second week in Jacmel, Haiti we separated into small groups and just walked around the local communities to get to know the people and just be His hands and feet by simply going to communities and to houses asking if we could help them with anything. A lot of the time we would get denied because the people of Haiti don't accept much if any help from others. The first day we were able to help out a few homes, we swept, mopped and did some dishes. They were really blessed by us coming and working like we did, which led them to ask questions as to why, giving us an opportunity to tell them that we were here just to love them and serve them. It was such a encouraging time. The next day we went to another home in the same area, the lady we met at first was quite insistent that she didn't need any help. She was holding her little baby and all the while continuing to say no with a huge smile and a laugh, she was the shyest and cutest person we'd ever met.

We eventually convinced her to allow us to help her out after much pleading and laughter. Her and her husband had just had a baby 29 days before, so us coming to help turned out to be more of a blessing than we initially realized. This small family lived among 3 other families that we later learned were all related to one another. We were able to do more dishes, more than I've ever seen before, sweep their yards, mop the houses, and just sit and listen to their stories. I've never seen a family with such joy and love, they literally couldn't stop smiling and the husband couldn't keep his eyes off of his lovely wife. They were the most precious of families, all of them were so welcoming and generous to us complete strangers. After we were finished with the chores they had allowed us to do they climbed the coconut tree and chopped down each one of us girls a fresh and delicious coconut. We sat around and talked with them while we munched on our coconuts just listening to their stories and hearts, which were amazing and beautiful. What we did was simple, but it was love. However, I'm pretty sure this family showed us just as much love as we did them, they just displayed God's love, beauty, grace, and faithfulness and it truly was a blessing just to serve them.

There are so many more stories, both funny and powerful, that I could share with you, and probably will at some point, but I just wanted to give you a glimpse into what God has been doing and continues to do among His people. He is drawing His children back to Himself and forever revealing His love to the hurt and broken. I serve a big and mighty God and I'm so excited to be on this journey of life walking by His side. May His Kingdom come and His will be done! Gloria a Dios!

~Josie K.

Introverted Love

Sorry for the absence from my blog and the lack of updates. It's been super crazy and busy up here but I've been having a ball. So, for starters, this past week we had an awesome lady from the Lakeside, MT ywam base come down and speak for the week. She talked on relationships and it blew my mind, half the time i was just sitting there thinking 'oh dear heavens' just because she was so right on and full of wisdom. I really love how God is bringing just the right speaker and topic at just the time i need to hear it. The passion with which the Word is being brought and the zeal with which the truth is coming at me is melting my face off and it's awesome!

Anyway, so she, Kristy Wilkie, talked on everything under the sun when it comes to relationships and was so blunt and real with all of us, it was so refreshing. her black and white teaching method was exactly what I needed and God must have known that because this week rocked my world and the way I think about or treat relationships. At the end of every lecture week we have a time of reflection and this week for reflection we wrote a letter to God telling him what he can expect from us when it comes to relationships. So I basically promised God John 13:35 which says that the world will know you love and follow God if you love others. Surprising as it may be it's really hard for me to step out of myself and my fear of being rejected and love freely. But I want people to know God and know that he loves them and I've been given this exact love so all the more reason to step out of my bubble and love without fear.

One way that i have been stretched to practice this is on Friday nights when we go down to downtown Denver for what we call Kingdom Night. We seek God's face on what his heart is for Denver that night in particular and then go out and minister to the people in whatever way God leads. It was a challenge at first to go out and talk with people and just pray with them and it has gotten slightly easier but the fear of my introverted self is still around. But Kristy Wilkie this week said something that blew my socks off; she said that we have to be people of influence and we can't do that successfully if we stay shy. Basically, we have to lay down our right to being introverted because otherwise we'll never reach people the way God desires us to. True fact.

I'm really excited about what God is doing and where he is leading me. he is stirring up the fire that's burning inside of me and giving me opportunities to apply all he is teaching me. Like, no joke, it's been insane how many doors he's opened allowing me to experience and apply what he's teaching me. GOD IS SO GOOD.

On another note....my "h"' key no longer works. I have ctrl-v'd my way through this entire post and this entire sentence. It is slightly frustrating but it's slowly becoming habit....lol. I ordered a new keyboard today which i KNOW is going to make my typing much easier and my brain much less stressed out. I am allowed to be slightly dramatic about this...yea.

I'm currently sitting next to a toasty fire in the dining hall with awesome people all around. I love the people here, God has set me among such an awesome community of people, I am so extremely blessed. God is good all the time. . . .

~Josie

Update Mate

Today is Wednesday, but you could have told me otherwise and I would have believed you. My days have been thrown so off kilter that it's slightly unnerving. Schedules are generally my friend and routine in small doses is also nice, which is slowly making it's way back into my life. Hi, i'm slightly ocd about those kinds of things.

Anyway, so this past week or so has been a crazy whirlwind of fun, new people, new places, adventures, revelations, and insights. Last week we talked about Kingdom Culture and what that involved and how to apply it to our daily lives. The five basic parts of Kingdom Culture are intimacy, honor, gratitude, life in the Spirit, and family, which can all be broken down and expounded upon. For instance, my small group took the five and wrote down our own thoughts concerning a particular aspect and then what we could recall from what we got in lecture time. I got the word intimacy and broke it down basically to 'knowing love from another without the fear of judgement' and then related it back to Song of Songs 4:7 which talks of how God sees us without flaw or blemish. Which really is a beautiful picture. I love that book of the bible anyway.

This week, starting yesterday, was the official start of lecture week. We have a local pastor, Black Mattocks, coming up the mountain all week to talk about the nature and character of God and so far it has been insanely awesome! He's laying down the building blocks and introducing us to his character in a really cool way. He's very engaging and excited about what God has done and shown him in his life and about teaching it to us. I'm excited too, to be honest. Yesterday he was talking about how there are no posers in the Kingdom of God. We're not allowed to have walls or fake identities because we've declared that we have surrendered that to God if we also declare that we are His children. It reminded me of that scripture, I think it's in John, where it talks about how nothing is hidden from God, but everything is uncovered and laid bare before Him, which is exactly how we're supposed to be living before God and before the body of Christ and the world. He's called us to be His ambassadors and we can't do that if we're pretending we're someone or something that we're not. He sees through our disguises so might as well take them off and surrender them willingly to begin with. Can I get an "Amen"??! :D

Anyway, I will write of more exciting God things soon, but right now I am wiped out. This upcoming week, Monday through Wednesday, our whole DTS group plus the other four ywam bases in CO, which adds up to somewhere around 400 people will be in Colorado Springs. We're going to this conference called Acts 1 and it's supposed to be awesome. I'm expecting amazing things to come out of this next week...and these next five months. I'm stoked, guys...to the core. I miss you all back home and hope to keep you more updated. Love!

~Josie

Cheers!

I leave bright and early tomorrow morning. . . as in by 5am. The sun won't even be awake by then, which is a miracle. You should right this down in your diary of many secrets and wonders so that one day you may tell your kids and grandkids that Josie K. was up and awake with coffee in hand before the sun ever showed his face. ;) So, I'm driving out with my friend Anna and we're taking four days to drive out to the beautiful Colorado. I am so excited about this road trip! The second night we're staying in this cool place in New Mexico, which I can't say here because I'm keeping it as a surprise for Anna. muhaha. But it looks fabulous and makes me happy.

Our itinerary, if you care to know, is as follows:

Thursday -- leave Starkville, MS around 5am and drive West. Most likely reach Little Rock, AR by lunch and Apache, OK by 6pm. Apache, OK is our destination for the first day, we're staying at a ywam base's hospitality suit for the night.

Friday -- leave Apache by 8am and continue driving West. By this point we will have traveled through MS, AR, OK, and be heading into TX. We're planning to stop at every State sign and take a picture. It's going to be awesome. Ok, continue driving and eventually reach NM where we will spend the night in unsaid location.

Saturday -- leave by 8 or 9am and head North where we will travel through Starkville, CO....completely awesome. Pictures will be taken. Take slight detour to the Great Sand Dunes, which are reported to be really cool. Drive to Colorado Springs and bunk for the night.

Sunday -- Tour around Colorado Springs and just chill and hang out for the day. Hopefully go see the Garden of the Gods which are also reported to be really pretty. Sunday is up for change and fun.

Monday -- drive to Denver and send Anna back home on le airplane to MS. Most likely cry some more. Drive by myself to Arvada, CO where I will know no one and be spending the next 5 months of my life. Eeegads.

I'm freaking out just a little bit, but i'm mostly just getting ridiculously emotional. I was watching what not to wear and started tearing up. I mean...c'mon! These next two weeks are going to be long, weird, exciting, good, scary, and thrilling I do believe. I know I'm going to miss my family and friends immensely. But I also know God is loving and I know that He is good and I know that He has called me to this place at this time and that He will never leave me. And for all of those truths, I am extremely grateful.

So, here's to life more abundant and love without end. . . .to God and God alone be the glory! Psalm 115:1

~Josie

1 Out Of 196

I'm so excited about my outreach destination come December! HE told me back in July which country, but now that it's reality and so closely tangible it's cool. . .and slightly weirding me out. I think I'm on a "this is too incredible to be real" cloud and that maybe I'll come down off of it at some point. Although, part of me doesn't mind being up here -- the view is quite nice and all.

So, because I am slightly ridiculous, here's a sneak peek of some nature from the fabulous country that'll I will be going to for outreach:

Booby Birds

The Huandoy Mt.

Alpacas

Cebu Cattle (see also veggie tales)

and The Amazon River & Rainforest

I'm going to Peru!!! Woohoo! I am really excited! It's going to be completely crazy and completely awesome and I almost can't wait. I don't know exactly where I'll be staying during the duration of my missionary travels, but I will inform you when that gets decided and announced when I get to Denver. My mother also so kindly informed/reminded me that anacondas also live in Peru. . .thanks mother dearest. Horror of horrors. I was doing some slight research since I don't really know where I'll be yet, but still, I found out that not only do that eat guinea pigs, which apparently everyone but I already knew, they also eat llamas. And they also make yarn out of Alpaca wool. I may have to get some of that for my cousin while I'm there. So now you know and can share in my excitement! Yay!

Yesterday I went to the lake in AL with G.C. and my brother and sister-in-law and had a most excellent time. We did some jumping off the dock and tubing behind the boat and sitting and chatting. The weather was really nice for it too. . .I'm pale, so the lack of sunshine and abundance of clouds was awesome in my opinion. I hate getting sunburned. We stayed in T-town and shopped and ate the foodsen for supper before G.C. and I headed home. Big Brother gives directions, Josie memorizes directions, G.C. drives. Somehow we get lost. We pull over on Shiver De Freeze Rd. (i kid you not!) to call Big Brother for rescue. After finally figuring out where the heck we were we find some county roads to take which will get us back to the main highway. . .eventually. It made for an interesting evening/drive which is always fun.

Currently listening to The National station on pandora which has been quite soothing on this rainy day. I'm wearing a sweatshirt and my toes have been freezing all morning. K.M. warmed my hands in church today and they have been toasty ever since! <3 I think I'm going to read some in Anne of Avonlea. . .i had to put it down during a potential crisis and I need to know what happens!

~me

The Mantel Of My Abode

Because I am moving I decided it was time to give you a glimpse of the changing mantel in our house. These were taken, not with a purpose in mind, over the past year because I'm just weird like that. I just thought it was cool how the fireplace, and the house in general, changed over the course of G.C. and I living here. Granted, I did most of the decorating and redecorating...you can thank my SP for that too. ;)

August '10

September '10

October '10

November '10

Christmas '10

Last week '11

We will not comment on the lack of months mentioned in the above mantel documentation. Kk. I will miss its cuteness, but i have completely redone my room at my parent's house and it IS AMAZING...just fyi. I am in love with its awesomeness.

I got to sit outside on campus today in my hammock. The wind was blowing and gently swaying my hammock and I under the gathering of trees. I may or may not have taken a nap and it may or may not have been wonderful. I'm half way through the second book in the Anne of Green Gables series. Those books are dear to my heart. I'm starting to panic now that my departure date for YWAM is in the mid 20's. Life is about to change but it's going to be great. I'm going to miss absolutely everyone to the point where there could potentially be rivers of tears. Does pepperoni and/or bacon count as "red meat" for this anemic child? If not, it should. . .

~me

Spinach Knowledge Absorption

OK guys and girls, i just wanted to let you in on this new mystery that I've just came across which is that cooked spinach has more iron than raw spinach. Weird, i know? I always thought that when you cooked a vegetable that it sucked every last nutrient from its soul. Apparently this is not so with spinach. However, spinach, while being a super good source of iron, is only so if it's eaten with an "iron absorption enhancer" aka red meat, white wine, beans, etc. Meanwhile milk, along with coffee or tea, is not and "iron absorption enhancer." In fact coffee is basically a thief and hoarder when it come to iron intake. Coffee is that child who takes all the legos and builds his castle and lives alone with no friends. Sad isn't it...especially since I just so happen to be a coffee addict. Oh joy.

I researched more foods that had iron and which ones were more enriched than others, which is how I came across this news of the "iron absorption enhancer." I made a fabulous list and sent it to my dear mother so that maybe we can cook up some iron-happy goodness when I return home. Also, there is this fabulous website I found that gives you the nutrition facts of absolutely everything. It's quite handy and I approve.

The packing continues, slowly but surely as I prepare to move back to my parent's house. Who knew I had so many books? Many much boxes of books and one box of just wine bottles. Oh yes. Find me odd all you wish, but I really love to declutter and pack. It's just kind of fun. (Also, "declutter" is not a word according to my computer... weird.) So moving back home will definitely be a change of pace and atmosphere, but I think I'm going to be okay with that. It's more or less temporary anyhow. Yay for free and healthy meals for the next 4 weeks! ;)

~me a.k.a the anemic child

Return To The Home Sweet Home

I am in the process of packing up my room and the likes and I thought this chart was accurate to my current situation:

Well, it's been said that talking leads to thinking and thinking leads to decision making and so on. In this case it is perhaps a decision that should have been made a month ago, but my head wasn't properly situated upon my shoulders and therefore was not functioning to its best ability. Since I am moving off to the lovely Colorado next month until mid February the current living situation, in the long run financially, was decided not to be the wisest. Hoorah lame sauce. The one ridiculous thing about having to move out is that I had finally gotten the place decorated to the point where it felt homey and inviting. You can thank my SP for that. There are many other downsides, but we shall not mention them all here just yet. Just know that this makes three years in a row of moving. Yucko zucko.

Although, on the positive side of moving back home is that I have thoroughly cleaned almost every nook and cranny of my place and thrown away many much things and feel very victorious. Organization is my friend. It was just one of those days where I couldn't sleep because the urge to clean and organize was greater than my desire to sleep later, which generally means business. So business is what I got down to. I felt like that wild loony tunes character Taz, the Tasmanian devil, except that I was productive in my whirling about ways. Yes. Also on the positive side of moving back home is free meals and reclaiming my beloved closet. My closet is the bees knees, i kid you not. I'm sure my parents are also thrilled about my return back to the home sweet home and the fact that they will actually get to see their wonderful daughter before she leaves for seven hundred years! (emphasis added for dramatic effect)

Wish me luck in my packing and moving endeavors! I only have 35 days before I head off on this grand adventure and more to do than I think my poor brain can currently handle. But I think it's going to be fun just the same.

~Josie

Today

My to-do list before i leave for YWAM next month seems to be piling higher and higher to an amount that almost scares me. It's silly things, too, like getting shots that are required, going to the dentist for a cleaning, getting my hair cut, making sure my car is in the most epic shape of its life, packing woes, etc. Basically, too much to do and not enough time, which is the story of our lives. Am i right? Yea...

So, aside from all of these preparations that have to be dealt with i also want to relax and spend more time with family and with friends and just revel in the community that i have and so very much love. At times i wish that i were eighteen again and that i could run around and be carefree with my friends 24/7, but then i'm reminded that i was still a teenager then....we won't go back there. No. Moving forward. . . . . .but this also basically adds up to too much to do and say and not enough time.

I'm pretty sure it's been said by more than one person at more than one time that they wished for just one more hour in the day. Like, how cool would that be! So, what would we do with this extra glorious hour? Perhaps we could go for that bike ride that we never can seem to squeeze in, or go visit with an old friend over coffee, or practice that instrument that you swear you never have time for, or....the list could go on forever.

But it's this, 24/7, way on purpose. We have a choice to make every morning we wake up what to do with the precious hours allotted to us. We have a choice to make the most of it or throw it away. We have the choice to spend it on worrying over every last detail of our lives or to spend it with HIM. We have the choice to complain or to praise every second of every hour of everyday. We have the choice to look at ourselves or to look up at HIM.

I'm not saying it's easy. Nothing good every comes the easy way. He promises hardships, which more than often is death to self and that is no easy task. But death to self is a daily decision, it's something we choose to walk in every moment that He's given us if we confess to love HIM. Basically, if we're surrendered to and walking with HIM then every moment is also His

~me

Poetry

I wrote this sometime last year. Sometimes things stay relevant or solid. At least for me. I can't promise brilliance, so here. . .

Thoughts of distress

Creep up on me

Like a big storm

Upon the sea

Finding no way

Of escaping it,

But not wanting

To surrender either

Deciding to jump

Means death by waves,

Deciding to stay may

Mean death by fright

Instead of surrendering

To fright or death

I will surrender to

The One who

Holds my heart

He will save me

From the enemy's lies,

From all the torment

That plagues my soul

Throw me a rope,

Give ear to my cry

So You can put me

Back on dry ground,

A place I know is firm

SIXTY-SEVEN DAYS

So, for those of you who do not yet know, that near panic attack about my "lost" YWAM application has been eased. It once was lost but now is found. . .hallelujah! Which also means that everything has now gone through and i have been accepted and am now counting down the days! (Sixty-seven, in case you're wondering). Basically, YWAM and things and people to do with YWAM is pretty much all i seem to talk about. Sorry! But i'm just so excited.

Ok, so get this, as i'm looking over some information in the online forum for the Fall DTS group i come across some understandable but kind of sorrowful information. My brain thought one thing, but facts were another. Apparently, when I leave in September i only get one break which i can choose to take or not at Thanksgiving, which is totally cool because it is in fact my FAVORITE holiday. The sorrowful thing is i'm going to have to wear my big girl face because i won't be home for Christmas. Sad panda. I will be overseas, which is completely awesome. . . just also completely out of my comfort zone. But the whole being out of my comfort zone is part of the point here anyway. Sure, it'll feel really strange to be gone during a major holiday for us, but i have to start sometime, right?

I am a major homebody which is going to make these five months interesting and difficult enough as it is, but then add in missing my FAVORITE holiday and Christmas and my sister-in-law's birthday and my dad's birthday and my mom's birthday. . . let's just say i reserve the right to shed a few tears. But in the end HE knows what HE's doing and i know it can only be good because HE is good. Let's just hope the next 67 days are full of peace and low on stress. Kk.

I want to leave you with some fun-ness. . .here's the link to the YWAM Denver website in case you want to check out where i'll be living in the Fall. Enjoy the photos!

~me

Submission. It's Good.

The longer I travel on this journey that God has me taking, the more I discover that HE is bigger than my thoughts and grander than my dreams. There are lots of times when i think that my ideas are perfect and correct, but that generally doesn't last too long. More and more as i walk with HIM i find that HE truly does know best and that HE really does love me and have my best at heart. I am here to glorify HIM, whether that means going or staying, speaking or being quiet.

Lately I've been running into unexpected walls because I keep diverting from the road HE has put me on. I begin to think that i can be useful over there or share a word to that person, but in the end I have come to realize that if my intentions are not to glorify God then they are wrong. Trying to do things out of my own strength or will only leads to frustration and disappointment. . . so can someone explain to me why I cannot get that to stick? I think if you were to whack me with a brick everyday repeating that fact constantly I still may not get it. Surely stubbornness doesn't root itself that deeply. . .

It's nice to know and observe, however, that there are others with similar stories from their travels and truths about who God is and has shown Himself to be. We don't walk this road alone, and as cliche as that may sound it is true. HE doesn't plot out our course, however lovely and desirable that may sound, but calls us to seek HIM out. A great part of the journey is the discovery. I mean, can you imagine how boring it would be if we knew what was around each curve and where HE was taking us next? I love the mysterious nature of God. . .it makes life exciting. HE has showed me, though, that the first step, literally, to walking with HIM along this exciting adventure is submitting to HIM. Nothing else matters until that first step is taken.

True that.

~me

Oh The Awkwardness That Is I. . .

So, progress of getting letters and applications mailed is going rather slowly. I had planned to have my application mailed in last Friday to YWAM, but my doctor was on vacation. That's the last thing i needed to submit my application. OHH the frustrations! Ok, so maybe I'm a wee bit dramatic? Nah. Who knew that a medical release form would take three weeks to complete? Like woah, i know. I'm going to not stress because i really have no control over it and stressing only causes my head to swirl. I'll hopefully be sending out my newsletter before i head off to camp. whoop!

I have mixed feelings about camp of champions this year. Reason number one being that they have moved the forever loved and treasured location from PBJ State Park to some camp ground in Alabama. The new place looks lovely, so that's not it, it's the fact that i am a major introvert and my 'safety blanket' and any form of familiarity has been snatched. Yay. It will be good for me, i know it will. Reason number two is that this year i am going as a staffer/counselor. This part makes me super excited and slightly nervous. I love working with teenagers and am looking forward to what the week will bring, i guess i'm just kind of anxious? You never know who is going to come or what HE is going to do or say, but that is exciting. Expectation is good. Also, prayers would be nice. :)

I got my "big girl" license today. YAY ME! I have been waiting for four long and picture-ugly years to redeem that horrid monstrosity called a license photo. Every time that i had to pull it out to show to a cop or bank teller or waitress i would cringe. If you were to see it then i am pretty sure you would understand and sympathize with me. Seventeen, bad hair cut, awkward, ghostly pale, cheese-tastic smile. Need i say much more? Goodbye vertical monster, hello horizontal awkwardness. .....What? Awkwardness never leaves, silly.

I'm moving to Colorado in three months. Three months, guys! Can i be happy and sad about this? Ok, good. The weather will be great and the fact that my fingers are always so cold won't be completely bizarre. Bonus points! But madam shy pants will most likely get homesick. Let's hope not, but it is likely. I am SO excited though. My newsletter is almost ready. All i have to do is one last revision and then print and stuff 70+ envelopes. I must be a dork because that part makes me so happy. I love snail mail.

Revelation of the day: coffee tastes good with just about everything but it tastes tremendously delicious when paired with banana nut muffins. Om nom nom!

~me

Summer Plans

My so-called summer "to-do" list:

1) girl trip to Virginia to see cousins

2) D.C. visit as well

3) dye a streak of my hair hot pink

4) make a few trips down to the beach

5) my BIRTHDAY! planning and celebrating and the likes

6) be a counselor at camp of champions

7) play frisbee or softball or volleyball at least twice a week

8) picnics

9) experiment some more with tie dying

10) apply to YWAM

11) write and send out newsletter

12) hopefully visit family in Nashville again

13) be a counselor at Ikthoos Camp

14) finish at least the fourth season of Buffy

15) talk G.C. into getting me a great dane for my birthday

16) make lots of artsy crafty doodads

17) go swimming and enjoy it. . .water--yuck

18) wrap up small groups :(

19) cook in more and eat out less

20) go to the zoo

21) ride the Bruce more

22) spend more time with the fam

23) soak up every moment of the last summer i will have with all of my friends in the same town

This could possibly be the most bitter-sweet of summers i will ever experience but God is good and all He does is out of love. So, i'm hoping and looking forward to a terrific summer and i hope that you are as well because summer is AWESOME. Exactly.

~me

The Things That Are Exciting

Finals are upon us. In all the fullness of finals. The stress and dumbness and lack of sleep has hit an unnerving high. Literally. The fact that my eye has been in constant twitch mode for a week now cannot be a good sign. No, it just can't. I went over to Gracie's house last night. I walked in the door and she looked at me and immediately offered me coffee. Yea, it's that bad. I'm afraid i might start the zombie apocalypse here soon. So basically if i can make it through to Wed at 5pm central time, alive mind you, I will be ok.
I hope.
So, in other news................................i want to keep it a secret but really, most everyone who reads this blog already knows, so what the heck! I am quitting my job on Friday the 13th of May (ironic, huh?). This seems dumb but i promise i have an explanation. I do. So, this summer = a LOT of changes. People are moving away and basically it sucks. I'm possibly going to be a counselor at COC (yayay) and get to go to the beach with G.C. which leaves me no time to really work. I'd have to take off like every weekend which isn't allowed. PLUS, i'd like to be able to see and hang out with my friends before they leave and before i leave.
Wait what!? Did i just say "i leave"...? Yea. Don't make me repeat myself, kid.
Here's the deal-eo: YWAM. I probably mentioned something about this last year, maybe not, but it's been on my heart for awhile. YWAM stands for Youth With A Mission and is focused on discipling others and then training them to go out and do the same. The lecture phase is 3 months, which is short, but for me it'll be like 12,000 years because i have been prone to get homesick in the past. Maybe that's because i was dying in the Atlanta airport though? Yea...
Let's just say i am ridiculously excited! I still don't yet know where i will be located but i'm waiting. HE is in control and HE loves me, which is comforting beyond measure. I love seeing HIS hand working in my life and HIS timing...oh my gosh HIS timing is always the best. HE is good. I am blessed.
Expecting.

~me

Lovely

Heck yes -- Monday:
early to rise -- it's hard
studying at the Bagel
work was boring -- minus the one regular couple
i think i did productive things later
...i can never remember mondays

Tuesday:
classes
freak out about quiz in SF ...no quiz (thank you!)
meeting with SF professor -- i may or may not have said something stupid
free day in psychology = sweet
the bakery is my new favorite place to be
studystudystudy
misunderstandings are dumb
Dooeys -- ridiculous and awesome convos
frozen yogurt has a special place in my heart
...ran into psych prof. -- we hang out at the same places. ha
CATAN -- camels. that's right.

Wednesday:
work -- i love the regulars, they just make me happy.
dentist evaluation -- wisdom teeth come out May 2nd!
...also, i'm NOT going under. woah
index cards
government is important yet boring.
Bible study prep. :)

Thursday:
no coffee
classes -- dear 6:45am, i do not love you... -me
cramstudycramstudy
band-aid conversations
govt. test
major headache onslaught
bible study -- longer than usual but good [<3]
biology homework -- fell asleep on the couch

Friday:
wake up early to work on that bio homework
rain -- why is it raining? whhhhhhyyy.
rode to class with G.C.
walked to class in the rain -- gave up on staying the least bit dry
sat in bakery to read war of the worlds...
tornado sirens -- very chill dudes: "that's just a firetruck...yea."
led to the tunnels under campus -- i love the tunnels
escaping and coaxing G.C. to escape too and meet me
plan worked
McCool Hall -- the laughing people, we loved them
City Bagel [<3 <3]
B. sat with us -- nice chat, new news
nap FTW!
work
taxes online
fell asleep on couch again

Saturday:
prayer walk
bagel cafe
work -- tips are so nice
buffy the vampire slayer -- Sid
K. is cute when it gets scary
cookie craving = satisfied
fell asleep on the floor...
also, i'm OK with this:

Sunday:
slept later than usual
yayayay
still managed to be late
*sigh*
guest speaker. . .
testing
lunch with the kids -- i love us :)
i also love olives
waitress lady recognized me from work -- we chatted about frustrating and confused customers. i think we bonded. it was awesome.
paper writing
i am going to make it. . . .i think
school, end soon please...kthanks

~me