His Nearness Is Our Good

Have you ever taken a sip of your drink thinking it was perhaps sweet tea only to find out upon that first swig that you had actually poured yourself sprite instead? Startling isn't it? There is nothing more surprising than expecting one thing and instead getting something completely different, whether that be in drink beverage or in life. Most people don't like surprises, it makes them uncomfortable and nervous usually because they didn't have a part in the planning or orchestrating of it, therefore they obviously don't know what's coming. Rough, I know.

I have been surprised over and over again as of late by not only myself, but also others and most of all by God. There seems to be this lesson that I am in need of learning which is to expect God and Him alone. Not to expect my plans or my co-laborers plans or my teams plans or the pastors plans or the groups plans, but to expect Jesus. Just Jesus, in every circumstance.

Expecting the King means laying down our will, our way, and our rights in order that He be properly exalted and enthroned in our hearts and in our lives. The thing about that is that it's not easy, but that is another good aspect about the Father; He hasn't called us to walk an easy road but just to follow Him. He doesn't burden us but does offer to carry the burdens we and others have put upon our own backs. He doesn't call us to fish for men and speak the truth in love because that's simple and easy, but He calls to do that because He first loved us, He first gave all He had to us.

There is something tender and humbling when we reach the point where we realize He is worth more than our current dismal and trying circumstances. He is a better sight than wherever we may have chosen to set our gaze that isn't Him. He is worthy of being expected in the mundane as well as in the extraordinary events of our life, whether we feel it or not. Because regardless of how we feel He is still and always will be worthy of our praise and adoration.

I do not write this because I have it figured out or have mastered the art of honoring Him with every breath I take, but because I see His strength in my weakness and know that I need Him ever more. His nearness is our good. Expect Him and never be dismayed or disappointed for He is King of kings and LORD of lords, there in none like Him.

~Josie

M.I.A.

After realizing and being scolded by a few various people at the lack of blog writing I've done, I thought I owed an update to those who chance to read this (aka my mother and G.C.). *wink wink*

So tomorrow starts the 7th week of my Phase II school here at YWAM Denver and it has so far been fabulous and really eye-opening. Our first week was on Strengths Finder, which is basically this test that we all had to take before the week started to discover our top five strengths and then we spent the next four days detailing, identifying, and learning how to live and function in our specific strengths. My top five, in case you were curious, are Adaptability, Includer, Restorative, Developer, and Connectedness; which basically means I am a relationship oriented person who goes with the flow and loves to encourage people and see them grow and develop into who they're meant to be. Basically. So yea that week of teaching was really enlightening, it brought so much clarity as to why I act and respond the way I do in certain situations and also how I can better serve and relate to other people as I grow into and discover more of who God has made me to be. The speaker, Chey, that week had us make and keep two lists, one was things we loved and one was things we loathed which we filled throughout the week as we came across certain things that we felt needed to be added to one or both of the lists. Some of the things that I wrote down were contradictory or on both lists, which was weird but it was often that it was due to the situation or setting, not that I was bipolar in my reasoning process. For instance on my loathe it list I have both "not making quick decisions" and "being rushed to make decisions." I promise it makes sense. ha. Anyway, it was fun, and still is fun, discovering how to use my strengths and then making a conscious effort to engage and practice using them in everyday situations. Good times.

About two or so weeks ago we had another lady from Boulder come and speak, which has probably been my favorite week of teaching so far. Brenda Lewis is her name and she taught on dreams and desires and did so with such authority, wisdom, humility, love, and laughter. She really had us think and consider what our dreams were and how we were living in order to achieve those dreams and desires, which made me realize, sadly, that I didn't have any dreams really. I had stopped dreaming for so long, I had become such a practical, down-to-earth thinker that I had completely avoided the idea of dreaming because I labeled all of that as impossible and unrealistic. If I can't achieve it then it will never be possible and I will never see it come to pass, that was my thinking for so long. I had gotten used to being disappointed and let down by my dreams and desires in life as I watched them all fall away unfulfilled that I just quit dreaming or allowing God to fill me with new dreams and desires altogether. Sad but true. Throughout the week Brenda challenged and encouraged us to step out on a limb and trust God to fill us with new dreams and to trust Him to fulfill them in His way and His timing, not our own. Nothing ever turns out the way we think it will anyway. So at the end of that week I took out a sheet of paper and began to write and scribble designs and ideas and hopes and plans that I felt God had been hinting at for awhile and things that I am passionate about and now I am so excited about my future, about what God is going to do, about the dreams and thoughts He's got just for me to walk out here and now. Dreaming again has never made me feel more free and alive. God is so faithful!

Tonight my Phase II school is heading up to the Eagle Rock campus for the week, I can't describe to you my enthusiasm about that fact right now, but it is real high! I spent three amazing months up there and so for me it's like returning home, it makes my heart happy. This week is going to be full of good teachings, a hectic schedule, fireside talks in the dining hall, lovely Jesus time, and living in the mountains again...I am stoked beyond words. I hope that you're week is more than amazing as well, filled with splendid moments and good Jesus time too.

~Josie K.


P.S. Shout out to my lovely mother today for being amazing, kind, patient, loving, caring, open, listening, and an all around terrific mother. I love you mother dearest, happy mom's day!

Gloria a Dios!

It would be nice if I even knew where to start with updating you all on the past 2+ months of my life, it's just hard to wrap life experiences and crazy God moments into a set of paragraphs. I'll give it my best though...

I finally arrived back home this past Sunday after 5 long and wonderful months of being away in CO with Youth with a mission. It has been strange and good being home, adjusting to "normal" life has its highs and lows but God has continued to show Himself faithful and constant amidst it all. Life as I once knew it has forever changed and there is no going back.

Outreach with my team to the Dominican Republic and Haiti was more amazing, eye-opening, and heart-breaking than I could have ever anticipated or imagined. I was asking God before we left for outreach what He wanted me to learn/get out of this outreach and He said "to be more willing." So, as one can imagine, God challenged me and I learned what it looked like to be willing to pick up kids until my back ached; willing to declare to a crowd the things God has done in my life; willing to hike the mountain of death; willing to love when it was hardest; willing to allow God to speak through me; willing to allow God to change me; willing to listen to the rhythm of His heartbeat; willing to bring Kingdom to earth no matter how I was feeling that day. There were quite a few days when I just didn't want to do a thing or open my mouth to share, but God never refused to meet us where we were or show us love in our frail and broken state so I had to daily make a conscious effort to strive to love and serve more. God was faithful to fulfill His promises and show Himself strong even in my weakest states.

On New Years day in the DR our team attended a local church that the DR YWAM base leader, Mitch, regularly attended. This was our second time visiting, the first time I had such a blast...the Dominicans really know how to keep a beat and go wild with it in worship! As we all settled into our seats and started worship one of my outreach leaders tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I wanted to give my testimony because they were giving us a slot that night to do so. I said sure and then started freaking out. I had something prepared but it's still nerve-racking, if not slightly intimidating. I eventually got up on the stage and began to speak in front of 200+ people and had such an overwhelming peace come over me. I was able to share with the people there about how I was once rooted in the lies that the world and the enemy had spoken over me, which lead to rotten thoughts and attitudes. Then I was able to tell them how God's truth, when you read it, listen to it, and accept it, will give you a solid and immovable foundation that gives you freedom and life. I always used to claim that my testimony, because I never got into any real trouble, had no power and would never be good enough for God too use. However, I soon realized that when I'm willing to say "yes" to God and allow Him to do what He wants through my life that anything is possible. God will use every area of your submitted life to bring Him glory, which is a humbling honor. The Spirit was heavy in that church that night and I know God was moving in people's hearts, you could feel it in the air, it was incredible.

After three weeks in the DR we traveled by bus to Haiti. The bus ride was supposed to be 8 hours, it turned into a 24 hour bus ride, but that's another story entirely. Our second week in Jacmel, Haiti we separated into small groups and just walked around the local communities to get to know the people and just be His hands and feet by simply going to communities and to houses asking if we could help them with anything. A lot of the time we would get denied because the people of Haiti don't accept much if any help from others. The first day we were able to help out a few homes, we swept, mopped and did some dishes. They were really blessed by us coming and working like we did, which led them to ask questions as to why, giving us an opportunity to tell them that we were here just to love them and serve them. It was such a encouraging time. The next day we went to another home in the same area, the lady we met at first was quite insistent that she didn't need any help. She was holding her little baby and all the while continuing to say no with a huge smile and a laugh, she was the shyest and cutest person we'd ever met.

We eventually convinced her to allow us to help her out after much pleading and laughter. Her and her husband had just had a baby 29 days before, so us coming to help turned out to be more of a blessing than we initially realized. This small family lived among 3 other families that we later learned were all related to one another. We were able to do more dishes, more than I've ever seen before, sweep their yards, mop the houses, and just sit and listen to their stories. I've never seen a family with such joy and love, they literally couldn't stop smiling and the husband couldn't keep his eyes off of his lovely wife. They were the most precious of families, all of them were so welcoming and generous to us complete strangers. After we were finished with the chores they had allowed us to do they climbed the coconut tree and chopped down each one of us girls a fresh and delicious coconut. We sat around and talked with them while we munched on our coconuts just listening to their stories and hearts, which were amazing and beautiful. What we did was simple, but it was love. However, I'm pretty sure this family showed us just as much love as we did them, they just displayed God's love, beauty, grace, and faithfulness and it truly was a blessing just to serve them.

There are so many more stories, both funny and powerful, that I could share with you, and probably will at some point, but I just wanted to give you a glimpse into what God has been doing and continues to do among His people. He is drawing His children back to Himself and forever revealing His love to the hurt and broken. I serve a big and mighty God and I'm so excited to be on this journey of life walking by His side. May His Kingdom come and His will be done! Gloria a Dios!

~Josie K.

Cheers!

I leave bright and early tomorrow morning. . . as in by 5am. The sun won't even be awake by then, which is a miracle. You should right this down in your diary of many secrets and wonders so that one day you may tell your kids and grandkids that Josie K. was up and awake with coffee in hand before the sun ever showed his face. ;) So, I'm driving out with my friend Anna and we're taking four days to drive out to the beautiful Colorado. I am so excited about this road trip! The second night we're staying in this cool place in New Mexico, which I can't say here because I'm keeping it as a surprise for Anna. muhaha. But it looks fabulous and makes me happy.

Our itinerary, if you care to know, is as follows:

Thursday -- leave Starkville, MS around 5am and drive West. Most likely reach Little Rock, AR by lunch and Apache, OK by 6pm. Apache, OK is our destination for the first day, we're staying at a ywam base's hospitality suit for the night.

Friday -- leave Apache by 8am and continue driving West. By this point we will have traveled through MS, AR, OK, and be heading into TX. We're planning to stop at every State sign and take a picture. It's going to be awesome. Ok, continue driving and eventually reach NM where we will spend the night in unsaid location.

Saturday -- leave by 8 or 9am and head North where we will travel through Starkville, CO....completely awesome. Pictures will be taken. Take slight detour to the Great Sand Dunes, which are reported to be really cool. Drive to Colorado Springs and bunk for the night.

Sunday -- Tour around Colorado Springs and just chill and hang out for the day. Hopefully go see the Garden of the Gods which are also reported to be really pretty. Sunday is up for change and fun.

Monday -- drive to Denver and send Anna back home on le airplane to MS. Most likely cry some more. Drive by myself to Arvada, CO where I will know no one and be spending the next 5 months of my life. Eeegads.

I'm freaking out just a little bit, but i'm mostly just getting ridiculously emotional. I was watching what not to wear and started tearing up. I mean...c'mon! These next two weeks are going to be long, weird, exciting, good, scary, and thrilling I do believe. I know I'm going to miss my family and friends immensely. But I also know God is loving and I know that He is good and I know that He has called me to this place at this time and that He will never leave me. And for all of those truths, I am extremely grateful.

So, here's to life more abundant and love without end. . . .to God and God alone be the glory! Psalm 115:1

~Josie

Mhmmm

GOD IS SO GOOD. I am blessed and amazed beyond words and just completely in awe of HIS beauty and love poured out. The day is new, HIS mercies are new, HIS love is fresh and alive. Hallelujah!

I'm A Big Girl Now

Monday:

drove to H-burg with Gracie

-schools are dumb sometimes

-met her awesome friend.... who i swear is the black version of me

-lovely talks on the drive

supper with the fam

movie watching with J.L.

-Cary Grant is still slick at sixty

Tuesday:

slept late

-yayayay!

did some more packing

-which seems useless because i just end up wanting to wear what i've just packed

-also, dad put a t-rex in my suitcase. lol

eye doctor visit

-i'm far-sighted

-but just barely, so no worries.

stopped by my previous home which we will now call "G.C.'s place"

-chocolate cake...!

Wednesday:

rise and shine before 7am

drove to campus to get shots

-let it be known that the MSU campus is one of like 4 clinics in the whole state that carry the typhoid vaccine.

-which is weird

-got three vaccines and 90 malaria pills

went to my favorite spot in town, city bagel, to get coffee and brunch

-eating alone is fabulous sometimes

-wrote ty notes and read books

supper with the parents

prayer night at P&D's

-last one for many moons

late night grocery shopping

also late night cooking

Thursday:

packed picnic lunch

picked up Gracie's birthday present

-it was ready just in time

-also, my bargaining skills are insane

took Gracie to the refuge

-we picnicked, we trail walked, we deer and bird watched

-we also drove

-and we got lost....ending up in a town 35 minutes from original location

-positive side of getting lost = poppy seed bread from the local bakery

-WIN

library visits and chats

-they are generally fun and often amusing

Life class at P&D's

-also the last one for many moons

-*tear

Friday:

helped a friend pack up her house with mother dearest

-nice chats

spectacle shopping

-i got glasses, i got glasses, i got glasses hey hey hey hey!

-they're purple....again. don't judge me

grocery shopped with mother dearest

-felt like i was 12yro again on a saturday

cleaned house for farewell dinner tomorrow evening

-i have 6 days left

I think i'm so lost and confused as to what emotion i should be feeling that i have depleted my emotion department of reasoning skills. If that sentence made a lick of sense to you i will give you a star. God has been doing so much in me in the past three months, and even more so in the past three weeks because I know HE's preparing me for something and that it'll be grand, it's just the molding and waiting period that is so difficult. These past few weeks have been bitter-sweet as I am beginning to realize how much I love and will miss everyone. It's usually, and most recently, been the other way around where people depart from me, which is making this "move" weird and slightly hard since I'm doing the leaving. Is it this hard for extroverts?

Anyway, the weather here has been MARVELOUS the past day or so. It feels crisp and cheery, just like September should feel. Also, did you know a crisp in Scotland is a potato chip? Because chips in Scotland are actually french fries. Random fact of the day! I'm hungry now with all this talk of food. . . .eckhmm. Yea. The anemic child has got to eat!

~J.K.

1 Out Of 196

I'm so excited about my outreach destination come December! HE told me back in July which country, but now that it's reality and so closely tangible it's cool. . .and slightly weirding me out. I think I'm on a "this is too incredible to be real" cloud and that maybe I'll come down off of it at some point. Although, part of me doesn't mind being up here -- the view is quite nice and all.

So, because I am slightly ridiculous, here's a sneak peek of some nature from the fabulous country that'll I will be going to for outreach:

Booby Birds

The Huandoy Mt.

Alpacas

Cebu Cattle (see also veggie tales)

and The Amazon River & Rainforest

I'm going to Peru!!! Woohoo! I am really excited! It's going to be completely crazy and completely awesome and I almost can't wait. I don't know exactly where I'll be staying during the duration of my missionary travels, but I will inform you when that gets decided and announced when I get to Denver. My mother also so kindly informed/reminded me that anacondas also live in Peru. . .thanks mother dearest. Horror of horrors. I was doing some slight research since I don't really know where I'll be yet, but still, I found out that not only do that eat guinea pigs, which apparently everyone but I already knew, they also eat llamas. And they also make yarn out of Alpaca wool. I may have to get some of that for my cousin while I'm there. So now you know and can share in my excitement! Yay!

Yesterday I went to the lake in AL with G.C. and my brother and sister-in-law and had a most excellent time. We did some jumping off the dock and tubing behind the boat and sitting and chatting. The weather was really nice for it too. . .I'm pale, so the lack of sunshine and abundance of clouds was awesome in my opinion. I hate getting sunburned. We stayed in T-town and shopped and ate the foodsen for supper before G.C. and I headed home. Big Brother gives directions, Josie memorizes directions, G.C. drives. Somehow we get lost. We pull over on Shiver De Freeze Rd. (i kid you not!) to call Big Brother for rescue. After finally figuring out where the heck we were we find some county roads to take which will get us back to the main highway. . .eventually. It made for an interesting evening/drive which is always fun.

Currently listening to The National station on pandora which has been quite soothing on this rainy day. I'm wearing a sweatshirt and my toes have been freezing all morning. K.M. warmed my hands in church today and they have been toasty ever since! <3 I think I'm going to read some in Anne of Avonlea. . .i had to put it down during a potential crisis and I need to know what happens!

~me

Today

My to-do list before i leave for YWAM next month seems to be piling higher and higher to an amount that almost scares me. It's silly things, too, like getting shots that are required, going to the dentist for a cleaning, getting my hair cut, making sure my car is in the most epic shape of its life, packing woes, etc. Basically, too much to do and not enough time, which is the story of our lives. Am i right? Yea...

So, aside from all of these preparations that have to be dealt with i also want to relax and spend more time with family and with friends and just revel in the community that i have and so very much love. At times i wish that i were eighteen again and that i could run around and be carefree with my friends 24/7, but then i'm reminded that i was still a teenager then....we won't go back there. No. Moving forward. . . . . .but this also basically adds up to too much to do and say and not enough time.

I'm pretty sure it's been said by more than one person at more than one time that they wished for just one more hour in the day. Like, how cool would that be! So, what would we do with this extra glorious hour? Perhaps we could go for that bike ride that we never can seem to squeeze in, or go visit with an old friend over coffee, or practice that instrument that you swear you never have time for, or....the list could go on forever.

But it's this, 24/7, way on purpose. We have a choice to make every morning we wake up what to do with the precious hours allotted to us. We have a choice to make the most of it or throw it away. We have the choice to spend it on worrying over every last detail of our lives or to spend it with HIM. We have the choice to complain or to praise every second of every hour of everyday. We have the choice to look at ourselves or to look up at HIM.

I'm not saying it's easy. Nothing good every comes the easy way. He promises hardships, which more than often is death to self and that is no easy task. But death to self is a daily decision, it's something we choose to walk in every moment that He's given us if we confess to love HIM. Basically, if we're surrendered to and walking with HIM then every moment is also His

~me

Poetry

I wrote this sometime last year. Sometimes things stay relevant or solid. At least for me. I can't promise brilliance, so here. . .

Thoughts of distress

Creep up on me

Like a big storm

Upon the sea

Finding no way

Of escaping it,

But not wanting

To surrender either

Deciding to jump

Means death by waves,

Deciding to stay may

Mean death by fright

Instead of surrendering

To fright or death

I will surrender to

The One who

Holds my heart

He will save me

From the enemy's lies,

From all the torment

That plagues my soul

Throw me a rope,

Give ear to my cry

So You can put me

Back on dry ground,

A place I know is firm

SIXTY-SEVEN DAYS

So, for those of you who do not yet know, that near panic attack about my "lost" YWAM application has been eased. It once was lost but now is found. . .hallelujah! Which also means that everything has now gone through and i have been accepted and am now counting down the days! (Sixty-seven, in case you're wondering). Basically, YWAM and things and people to do with YWAM is pretty much all i seem to talk about. Sorry! But i'm just so excited.

Ok, so get this, as i'm looking over some information in the online forum for the Fall DTS group i come across some understandable but kind of sorrowful information. My brain thought one thing, but facts were another. Apparently, when I leave in September i only get one break which i can choose to take or not at Thanksgiving, which is totally cool because it is in fact my FAVORITE holiday. The sorrowful thing is i'm going to have to wear my big girl face because i won't be home for Christmas. Sad panda. I will be overseas, which is completely awesome. . . just also completely out of my comfort zone. But the whole being out of my comfort zone is part of the point here anyway. Sure, it'll feel really strange to be gone during a major holiday for us, but i have to start sometime, right?

I am a major homebody which is going to make these five months interesting and difficult enough as it is, but then add in missing my FAVORITE holiday and Christmas and my sister-in-law's birthday and my dad's birthday and my mom's birthday. . . let's just say i reserve the right to shed a few tears. But in the end HE knows what HE's doing and i know it can only be good because HE is good. Let's just hope the next 67 days are full of peace and low on stress. Kk.

I want to leave you with some fun-ness. . .here's the link to the YWAM Denver website in case you want to check out where i'll be living in the Fall. Enjoy the photos!

~me

Thank You, Oswald

Oswald Chambers tends to express thoughts so well, even my own it seems. . . .

"The aim of the missionary is to do God's will,

not to be useful, not to win the heathen;

he is useful and he does win the heathen,

but that is not his aim.

His aim is to do the will of his LORD."

~me

Submission. It's Good.

The longer I travel on this journey that God has me taking, the more I discover that HE is bigger than my thoughts and grander than my dreams. There are lots of times when i think that my ideas are perfect and correct, but that generally doesn't last too long. More and more as i walk with HIM i find that HE truly does know best and that HE really does love me and have my best at heart. I am here to glorify HIM, whether that means going or staying, speaking or being quiet.

Lately I've been running into unexpected walls because I keep diverting from the road HE has put me on. I begin to think that i can be useful over there or share a word to that person, but in the end I have come to realize that if my intentions are not to glorify God then they are wrong. Trying to do things out of my own strength or will only leads to frustration and disappointment. . . so can someone explain to me why I cannot get that to stick? I think if you were to whack me with a brick everyday repeating that fact constantly I still may not get it. Surely stubbornness doesn't root itself that deeply. . .

It's nice to know and observe, however, that there are others with similar stories from their travels and truths about who God is and has shown Himself to be. We don't walk this road alone, and as cliche as that may sound it is true. HE doesn't plot out our course, however lovely and desirable that may sound, but calls us to seek HIM out. A great part of the journey is the discovery. I mean, can you imagine how boring it would be if we knew what was around each curve and where HE was taking us next? I love the mysterious nature of God. . .it makes life exciting. HE has showed me, though, that the first step, literally, to walking with HIM along this exciting adventure is submitting to HIM. Nothing else matters until that first step is taken.

True that.

~me

Belly Of A Fish

I remember when the Veggie Tales version of the story of Jonah came out in the theater. I went to go see it with my two best friends, we were thirteen, giddy and got the best seats in the house. It was a cute movie with a good message and memorable songs sung by vegetables. But the story of Jonah is so much more than a tale about a giant fish who swallowed a man only to spit him back up three days later.

The story of Jonah is also my story. I'd rather be likened to another character in the Bible like Samuel or David or perhaps even Moses, but Jonah it is. There is this thing I don't like called the unknown. Also conflict. That too. But yea, not knowing what comes next or how or WHY is something quite scary, in my opinion. Stepping outside of my comfort zone and deciding that what HE has asked of me is more important than my ridiculous concerns and fears. But alas, I am like poor ol' Jonah, I look at the task or request and I run full speed ahead...in the opposite direction. There is some phrase about facing your fears, it's good advice, but I like to be different from the pack; I like to run from my fears. HE says do this, go here, speak that and my flesh will not die. I am like a disease to my own self. Insane, I know.

Jonah didn't have Nineveh in his plan, it wasn't on his regular route and I'm sure he hoped it never would be. We don't get to plan our destinations or the routes by which we get there. The only option we have is to obey or not to obey. Do we do it HIS way or do we turn our backs and run in our own way? Which one do you think brings the greatest amount of satisfaction? On this journey of HIM revealing to me that I am more and more like Jonah than I was at first willing to accept, I have realized that even though I may run there is no place HE is not. David in the Psalms said,

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, and settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast (139:7-10)."

I can try for the rest of my days to run from HIM if I so desire, but it achieves nothing and it hurts because I know that if HE has called me somewhere then HE only means good by it. So perhaps I will save my legs and my breath and run the direction HE has placed before me because I know that submission and obedience bring joy and peace.

Hopefully I won't need a giant fish to swallow me before it completely clicks...

~Josie

The Things That Are Exciting

Finals are upon us. In all the fullness of finals. The stress and dumbness and lack of sleep has hit an unnerving high. Literally. The fact that my eye has been in constant twitch mode for a week now cannot be a good sign. No, it just can't. I went over to Gracie's house last night. I walked in the door and she looked at me and immediately offered me coffee. Yea, it's that bad. I'm afraid i might start the zombie apocalypse here soon. So basically if i can make it through to Wed at 5pm central time, alive mind you, I will be ok.
I hope.
So, in other news................................i want to keep it a secret but really, most everyone who reads this blog already knows, so what the heck! I am quitting my job on Friday the 13th of May (ironic, huh?). This seems dumb but i promise i have an explanation. I do. So, this summer = a LOT of changes. People are moving away and basically it sucks. I'm possibly going to be a counselor at COC (yayay) and get to go to the beach with G.C. which leaves me no time to really work. I'd have to take off like every weekend which isn't allowed. PLUS, i'd like to be able to see and hang out with my friends before they leave and before i leave.
Wait what!? Did i just say "i leave"...? Yea. Don't make me repeat myself, kid.
Here's the deal-eo: YWAM. I probably mentioned something about this last year, maybe not, but it's been on my heart for awhile. YWAM stands for Youth With A Mission and is focused on discipling others and then training them to go out and do the same. The lecture phase is 3 months, which is short, but for me it'll be like 12,000 years because i have been prone to get homesick in the past. Maybe that's because i was dying in the Atlanta airport though? Yea...
Let's just say i am ridiculously excited! I still don't yet know where i will be located but i'm waiting. HE is in control and HE loves me, which is comforting beyond measure. I love seeing HIS hand working in my life and HIS timing...oh my gosh HIS timing is always the best. HE is good. I am blessed.
Expecting.

~me

Just So You Know. . .

I love cheese. It's true.


Also, God is good and faithful, even when we are not. There are many things I'd like to do or get accomplished or see flourish, but HE has the final say in it all. HE chooses the path and all HE asks of us is to trust HIM with the rest. Faith conquers fear. This is also true.

~me

Note To Self

Walking should not be this complicated. And it's not, i think i just make it complicated. HE says do this, go here, say that, and all we are called to do is say "yes" and then walk. But like i said, walking is hard. I get tired of walking and tired of never seeing fruit, tired of never seeing the point. HE called me to something, but i don't get why or what for. Was i supposed to do something else, nothing at all...did i miss a detail in there somewhere?

This blog probably sounds either 1) really whiny, 2) really depressing or 3)dumb. I don't care at the moment. Judge me all you want. Do it. It won't get you far, i promise. Maybe it's the season i'm in, maybe it's my self absorbed attitude. most likely.

God doesn't call us to be happy, he calls us to be joyful. There is a difference. God also calls us to be obedient not guilt-tripped or ignorant. Shy is not a personality trait, it's an excuse. Get over it. Affirmation doesn't come from a nod, smile, joke or acknowledgement from someone else. It comes from God. Being invisible isn't a nice feeling. Neither is being ignored or ignoring others. Full circle. That just happened.
Where have you planted your feet? Are you walking in circles or straight ahead? Look UP...not in a mirror.