His Nearness Is Our Good

Have you ever taken a sip of your drink thinking it was perhaps sweet tea only to find out upon that first swig that you had actually poured yourself sprite instead? Startling isn't it? There is nothing more surprising than expecting one thing and instead getting something completely different, whether that be in drink beverage or in life. Most people don't like surprises, it makes them uncomfortable and nervous usually because they didn't have a part in the planning or orchestrating of it, therefore they obviously don't know what's coming. Rough, I know.

I have been surprised over and over again as of late by not only myself, but also others and most of all by God. There seems to be this lesson that I am in need of learning which is to expect God and Him alone. Not to expect my plans or my co-laborers plans or my teams plans or the pastors plans or the groups plans, but to expect Jesus. Just Jesus, in every circumstance.

Expecting the King means laying down our will, our way, and our rights in order that He be properly exalted and enthroned in our hearts and in our lives. The thing about that is that it's not easy, but that is another good aspect about the Father; He hasn't called us to walk an easy road but just to follow Him. He doesn't burden us but does offer to carry the burdens we and others have put upon our own backs. He doesn't call us to fish for men and speak the truth in love because that's simple and easy, but He calls to do that because He first loved us, He first gave all He had to us.

There is something tender and humbling when we reach the point where we realize He is worth more than our current dismal and trying circumstances. He is a better sight than wherever we may have chosen to set our gaze that isn't Him. He is worthy of being expected in the mundane as well as in the extraordinary events of our life, whether we feel it or not. Because regardless of how we feel He is still and always will be worthy of our praise and adoration.

I do not write this because I have it figured out or have mastered the art of honoring Him with every breath I take, but because I see His strength in my weakness and know that I need Him ever more. His nearness is our good. Expect Him and never be dismayed or disappointed for He is King of kings and LORD of lords, there in none like Him.

~Josie

Introverted Love

Sorry for the absence from my blog and the lack of updates. It's been super crazy and busy up here but I've been having a ball. So, for starters, this past week we had an awesome lady from the Lakeside, MT ywam base come down and speak for the week. She talked on relationships and it blew my mind, half the time i was just sitting there thinking 'oh dear heavens' just because she was so right on and full of wisdom. I really love how God is bringing just the right speaker and topic at just the time i need to hear it. The passion with which the Word is being brought and the zeal with which the truth is coming at me is melting my face off and it's awesome!

Anyway, so she, Kristy Wilkie, talked on everything under the sun when it comes to relationships and was so blunt and real with all of us, it was so refreshing. her black and white teaching method was exactly what I needed and God must have known that because this week rocked my world and the way I think about or treat relationships. At the end of every lecture week we have a time of reflection and this week for reflection we wrote a letter to God telling him what he can expect from us when it comes to relationships. So I basically promised God John 13:35 which says that the world will know you love and follow God if you love others. Surprising as it may be it's really hard for me to step out of myself and my fear of being rejected and love freely. But I want people to know God and know that he loves them and I've been given this exact love so all the more reason to step out of my bubble and love without fear.

One way that i have been stretched to practice this is on Friday nights when we go down to downtown Denver for what we call Kingdom Night. We seek God's face on what his heart is for Denver that night in particular and then go out and minister to the people in whatever way God leads. It was a challenge at first to go out and talk with people and just pray with them and it has gotten slightly easier but the fear of my introverted self is still around. But Kristy Wilkie this week said something that blew my socks off; she said that we have to be people of influence and we can't do that successfully if we stay shy. Basically, we have to lay down our right to being introverted because otherwise we'll never reach people the way God desires us to. True fact.

I'm really excited about what God is doing and where he is leading me. he is stirring up the fire that's burning inside of me and giving me opportunities to apply all he is teaching me. Like, no joke, it's been insane how many doors he's opened allowing me to experience and apply what he's teaching me. GOD IS SO GOOD.

On another note....my "h"' key no longer works. I have ctrl-v'd my way through this entire post and this entire sentence. It is slightly frustrating but it's slowly becoming habit....lol. I ordered a new keyboard today which i KNOW is going to make my typing much easier and my brain much less stressed out. I am allowed to be slightly dramatic about this...yea.

I'm currently sitting next to a toasty fire in the dining hall with awesome people all around. I love the people here, God has set me among such an awesome community of people, I am so extremely blessed. God is good all the time. . . .

~Josie

Cheers!

I leave bright and early tomorrow morning. . . as in by 5am. The sun won't even be awake by then, which is a miracle. You should right this down in your diary of many secrets and wonders so that one day you may tell your kids and grandkids that Josie K. was up and awake with coffee in hand before the sun ever showed his face. ;) So, I'm driving out with my friend Anna and we're taking four days to drive out to the beautiful Colorado. I am so excited about this road trip! The second night we're staying in this cool place in New Mexico, which I can't say here because I'm keeping it as a surprise for Anna. muhaha. But it looks fabulous and makes me happy.

Our itinerary, if you care to know, is as follows:

Thursday -- leave Starkville, MS around 5am and drive West. Most likely reach Little Rock, AR by lunch and Apache, OK by 6pm. Apache, OK is our destination for the first day, we're staying at a ywam base's hospitality suit for the night.

Friday -- leave Apache by 8am and continue driving West. By this point we will have traveled through MS, AR, OK, and be heading into TX. We're planning to stop at every State sign and take a picture. It's going to be awesome. Ok, continue driving and eventually reach NM where we will spend the night in unsaid location.

Saturday -- leave by 8 or 9am and head North where we will travel through Starkville, CO....completely awesome. Pictures will be taken. Take slight detour to the Great Sand Dunes, which are reported to be really cool. Drive to Colorado Springs and bunk for the night.

Sunday -- Tour around Colorado Springs and just chill and hang out for the day. Hopefully go see the Garden of the Gods which are also reported to be really pretty. Sunday is up for change and fun.

Monday -- drive to Denver and send Anna back home on le airplane to MS. Most likely cry some more. Drive by myself to Arvada, CO where I will know no one and be spending the next 5 months of my life. Eeegads.

I'm freaking out just a little bit, but i'm mostly just getting ridiculously emotional. I was watching what not to wear and started tearing up. I mean...c'mon! These next two weeks are going to be long, weird, exciting, good, scary, and thrilling I do believe. I know I'm going to miss my family and friends immensely. But I also know God is loving and I know that He is good and I know that He has called me to this place at this time and that He will never leave me. And for all of those truths, I am extremely grateful.

So, here's to life more abundant and love without end. . . .to God and God alone be the glory! Psalm 115:1

~Josie

Today

My to-do list before i leave for YWAM next month seems to be piling higher and higher to an amount that almost scares me. It's silly things, too, like getting shots that are required, going to the dentist for a cleaning, getting my hair cut, making sure my car is in the most epic shape of its life, packing woes, etc. Basically, too much to do and not enough time, which is the story of our lives. Am i right? Yea...

So, aside from all of these preparations that have to be dealt with i also want to relax and spend more time with family and with friends and just revel in the community that i have and so very much love. At times i wish that i were eighteen again and that i could run around and be carefree with my friends 24/7, but then i'm reminded that i was still a teenager then....we won't go back there. No. Moving forward. . . . . .but this also basically adds up to too much to do and say and not enough time.

I'm pretty sure it's been said by more than one person at more than one time that they wished for just one more hour in the day. Like, how cool would that be! So, what would we do with this extra glorious hour? Perhaps we could go for that bike ride that we never can seem to squeeze in, or go visit with an old friend over coffee, or practice that instrument that you swear you never have time for, or....the list could go on forever.

But it's this, 24/7, way on purpose. We have a choice to make every morning we wake up what to do with the precious hours allotted to us. We have a choice to make the most of it or throw it away. We have the choice to spend it on worrying over every last detail of our lives or to spend it with HIM. We have the choice to complain or to praise every second of every hour of everyday. We have the choice to look at ourselves or to look up at HIM.

I'm not saying it's easy. Nothing good every comes the easy way. He promises hardships, which more than often is death to self and that is no easy task. But death to self is a daily decision, it's something we choose to walk in every moment that He's given us if we confess to love HIM. Basically, if we're surrendered to and walking with HIM then every moment is also His

~me

The Things That Are Exciting

Finals are upon us. In all the fullness of finals. The stress and dumbness and lack of sleep has hit an unnerving high. Literally. The fact that my eye has been in constant twitch mode for a week now cannot be a good sign. No, it just can't. I went over to Gracie's house last night. I walked in the door and she looked at me and immediately offered me coffee. Yea, it's that bad. I'm afraid i might start the zombie apocalypse here soon. So basically if i can make it through to Wed at 5pm central time, alive mind you, I will be ok.
I hope.
So, in other news................................i want to keep it a secret but really, most everyone who reads this blog already knows, so what the heck! I am quitting my job on Friday the 13th of May (ironic, huh?). This seems dumb but i promise i have an explanation. I do. So, this summer = a LOT of changes. People are moving away and basically it sucks. I'm possibly going to be a counselor at COC (yayay) and get to go to the beach with G.C. which leaves me no time to really work. I'd have to take off like every weekend which isn't allowed. PLUS, i'd like to be able to see and hang out with my friends before they leave and before i leave.
Wait what!? Did i just say "i leave"...? Yea. Don't make me repeat myself, kid.
Here's the deal-eo: YWAM. I probably mentioned something about this last year, maybe not, but it's been on my heart for awhile. YWAM stands for Youth With A Mission and is focused on discipling others and then training them to go out and do the same. The lecture phase is 3 months, which is short, but for me it'll be like 12,000 years because i have been prone to get homesick in the past. Maybe that's because i was dying in the Atlanta airport though? Yea...
Let's just say i am ridiculously excited! I still don't yet know where i will be located but i'm waiting. HE is in control and HE loves me, which is comforting beyond measure. I love seeing HIS hand working in my life and HIS timing...oh my gosh HIS timing is always the best. HE is good. I am blessed.
Expecting.

~me

I Wonder If There Is Gravity In Heaven. . . .

I tend to walk into walls a lot. It's true. Laugh at me if you will, but i do. If you haven't noticed this it is probably due to the fact that i've learned to play it off or i simply, and literally, role off the wall. The reason for this is i tend to not always look where i'm going. No, not the whole stare at the ground deal, but more like a stare at something to my left or talk to someone on my right while walking. Has this lesson been learned? Sadly it has not. I continue to "flounce" around and bounce off of walls, doorways and cabinets left and right. I have mad skills....or do i? I wonder, is it because i am possibly ADD and so get bored with my direct line of vision or do i just have REALLY bad balance?

Maybe both. I'm leaning more towards bad balance though.

So, puzzle me this...why do we perpetually "flounce" about on this narrow road that we are trying to stay on? Do we see something shiny and lose our focus or trip over our own feet because we weren't paying attention to the road HE's laid in front of us? It is fascinating that our slight shift in focus can make us turn completely away from our original path that we had set out on. What have we seen that we think is better? Whom have we listened to that has competed with HIS whispers? As of yet i haven't found anyone, anything or any place that can compare to HIM and HIS peaceful presence, but my eyes still wander. Not literally, that would be creepy. What does it take for us to realize that HE satisfies and HE completes us? Maybe we will get it if we listen close to those whispers and try to read HIS lips....which suggests we are gazing UP!

Flickering Light Bulb

Woe is me. Worthy is HE.

I have been studying a lot in the Psalms the past few months, mainly because of the bible study I am leading and firstly because that's where I had been studying even before that came about. In the Psalms David talks a lot on the goodness of God and how much HE has done for him even though David had as many downs as he did ups. David writes about his struggles and then rejoices. David writes about his failures and then praises HIM. David pours out his heart, broken or full, and worships HIM. It's so repetitive yet somehow we fail to see it. We see the brokenness, the pain, the wanting, the waiting and the agony that David experiences. Do we see, however, David's love for God, his joy, or his embrace of the Father's discipline? Do we see God's goodness to David even when he messed up or when he was on the mountain top? God is fully present and constantly teaching us if we'll just learn to focus on what's truly important.

I've realized that over the past few months I have been having a 'woe is me' attitude about life. I feel sad, things aren't going the way I planned, I don't know where to turn next, I feel like such a failure, etc. When the attitude I should have had all along be that of 'worthy is HE.' HE has taken me along this road for a reason, HE has led me through the highs and lows on purpose, HE thinks more of me than I do of myself most days, HIS plan is better and that's the truth. I've started to see that HE likes leading us through rough spots when HE wants us to learn something, otherwise if it were on a smooth path we wouldn't get the point...literally. We have to be wanting HIM and in search of HIM, not an answer to why we're in a rough spot, but wanting to know 'what can I do to glorify YOU while I'm here.'

The speaker at church on Sunday had similar things to say about hard times and God's goodness. He spoke on finding God in the journey and not getting consumed with where you were on that journey. I've learned that's it's good and necessary to be expectant, but it's better to be wanting HIM all the more. If HE is in control and 'has given you everything you need for life and godliness' than we must learn to look no further than HIS loving eyes. HE will lead us down straight paths if we will just learn to hand over the pilot's seat. Easier said than done, I know. It takes discipline and a humble heart, but that's better, perhaps harder, than trying to do it on your own. It never works. Believe me, I've tried.

I suppose then that it is a God-consumed perspective that we must look at life through, otherwise we will most likely trip, fall, and have to go through the learning process again. So, pay attention the first time...

~Me