A&E......anxiety & excitement

Things that cause panic and mini anxiety attacks:

--checking on the flight status for 7 travelers that leave for another country in two days and not being able to find any of the information you need, calling the airline service in a panic to sort out details, then calming down because you've realized you accidentally put in the flight number for the second flight, not the first. Computers cannot read minds nor correct silly mistakes automatically. 

The moral of this story is, "calm down and double check your digits."


There is a very well balanced mixture of anxiety and excitement swirling about inside me as I and my lovely group of girls prepare to travel to the beautiful country of Guatemala. There is no way that this time last year I would have ever thought that I'd be doing this or traveling there. I am learning that when you set really big dreams and goals, even ones you think are outlandish and impossible, that God is still faithful to see that they happen, that those dreams get fulfilled. He knows the desires of our hearts, He put them there in the first place, we simply must learn to hand all of those desires and dreams back into His hands in order for them to come to fruition. These are the truths I am discovering. 

I have no idea what or who we will encounter or what the ministry times will look like, however I know how good the Father is and I am expecting Him and Him alone. I just want Him to work, Him to speak, and Him to move in all situations and in every heart because that is all that counts and all that matters. His glory is our goal. 

M.I.A.

After realizing and being scolded by a few various people at the lack of blog writing I've done, I thought I owed an update to those who chance to read this (aka my mother and G.C.). *wink wink*

So tomorrow starts the 7th week of my Phase II school here at YWAM Denver and it has so far been fabulous and really eye-opening. Our first week was on Strengths Finder, which is basically this test that we all had to take before the week started to discover our top five strengths and then we spent the next four days detailing, identifying, and learning how to live and function in our specific strengths. My top five, in case you were curious, are Adaptability, Includer, Restorative, Developer, and Connectedness; which basically means I am a relationship oriented person who goes with the flow and loves to encourage people and see them grow and develop into who they're meant to be. Basically. So yea that week of teaching was really enlightening, it brought so much clarity as to why I act and respond the way I do in certain situations and also how I can better serve and relate to other people as I grow into and discover more of who God has made me to be. The speaker, Chey, that week had us make and keep two lists, one was things we loved and one was things we loathed which we filled throughout the week as we came across certain things that we felt needed to be added to one or both of the lists. Some of the things that I wrote down were contradictory or on both lists, which was weird but it was often that it was due to the situation or setting, not that I was bipolar in my reasoning process. For instance on my loathe it list I have both "not making quick decisions" and "being rushed to make decisions." I promise it makes sense. ha. Anyway, it was fun, and still is fun, discovering how to use my strengths and then making a conscious effort to engage and practice using them in everyday situations. Good times.

About two or so weeks ago we had another lady from Boulder come and speak, which has probably been my favorite week of teaching so far. Brenda Lewis is her name and she taught on dreams and desires and did so with such authority, wisdom, humility, love, and laughter. She really had us think and consider what our dreams were and how we were living in order to achieve those dreams and desires, which made me realize, sadly, that I didn't have any dreams really. I had stopped dreaming for so long, I had become such a practical, down-to-earth thinker that I had completely avoided the idea of dreaming because I labeled all of that as impossible and unrealistic. If I can't achieve it then it will never be possible and I will never see it come to pass, that was my thinking for so long. I had gotten used to being disappointed and let down by my dreams and desires in life as I watched them all fall away unfulfilled that I just quit dreaming or allowing God to fill me with new dreams and desires altogether. Sad but true. Throughout the week Brenda challenged and encouraged us to step out on a limb and trust God to fill us with new dreams and to trust Him to fulfill them in His way and His timing, not our own. Nothing ever turns out the way we think it will anyway. So at the end of that week I took out a sheet of paper and began to write and scribble designs and ideas and hopes and plans that I felt God had been hinting at for awhile and things that I am passionate about and now I am so excited about my future, about what God is going to do, about the dreams and thoughts He's got just for me to walk out here and now. Dreaming again has never made me feel more free and alive. God is so faithful!

Tonight my Phase II school is heading up to the Eagle Rock campus for the week, I can't describe to you my enthusiasm about that fact right now, but it is real high! I spent three amazing months up there and so for me it's like returning home, it makes my heart happy. This week is going to be full of good teachings, a hectic schedule, fireside talks in the dining hall, lovely Jesus time, and living in the mountains again...I am stoked beyond words. I hope that you're week is more than amazing as well, filled with splendid moments and good Jesus time too.

~Josie K.


P.S. Shout out to my lovely mother today for being amazing, kind, patient, loving, caring, open, listening, and an all around terrific mother. I love you mother dearest, happy mom's day!

Cheers!

I leave bright and early tomorrow morning. . . as in by 5am. The sun won't even be awake by then, which is a miracle. You should right this down in your diary of many secrets and wonders so that one day you may tell your kids and grandkids that Josie K. was up and awake with coffee in hand before the sun ever showed his face. ;) So, I'm driving out with my friend Anna and we're taking four days to drive out to the beautiful Colorado. I am so excited about this road trip! The second night we're staying in this cool place in New Mexico, which I can't say here because I'm keeping it as a surprise for Anna. muhaha. But it looks fabulous and makes me happy.

Our itinerary, if you care to know, is as follows:

Thursday -- leave Starkville, MS around 5am and drive West. Most likely reach Little Rock, AR by lunch and Apache, OK by 6pm. Apache, OK is our destination for the first day, we're staying at a ywam base's hospitality suit for the night.

Friday -- leave Apache by 8am and continue driving West. By this point we will have traveled through MS, AR, OK, and be heading into TX. We're planning to stop at every State sign and take a picture. It's going to be awesome. Ok, continue driving and eventually reach NM where we will spend the night in unsaid location.

Saturday -- leave by 8 or 9am and head North where we will travel through Starkville, CO....completely awesome. Pictures will be taken. Take slight detour to the Great Sand Dunes, which are reported to be really cool. Drive to Colorado Springs and bunk for the night.

Sunday -- Tour around Colorado Springs and just chill and hang out for the day. Hopefully go see the Garden of the Gods which are also reported to be really pretty. Sunday is up for change and fun.

Monday -- drive to Denver and send Anna back home on le airplane to MS. Most likely cry some more. Drive by myself to Arvada, CO where I will know no one and be spending the next 5 months of my life. Eeegads.

I'm freaking out just a little bit, but i'm mostly just getting ridiculously emotional. I was watching what not to wear and started tearing up. I mean...c'mon! These next two weeks are going to be long, weird, exciting, good, scary, and thrilling I do believe. I know I'm going to miss my family and friends immensely. But I also know God is loving and I know that He is good and I know that He has called me to this place at this time and that He will never leave me. And for all of those truths, I am extremely grateful.

So, here's to life more abundant and love without end. . . .to God and God alone be the glory! Psalm 115:1

~Josie

1 Out Of 196

I'm so excited about my outreach destination come December! HE told me back in July which country, but now that it's reality and so closely tangible it's cool. . .and slightly weirding me out. I think I'm on a "this is too incredible to be real" cloud and that maybe I'll come down off of it at some point. Although, part of me doesn't mind being up here -- the view is quite nice and all.

So, because I am slightly ridiculous, here's a sneak peek of some nature from the fabulous country that'll I will be going to for outreach:

Booby Birds

The Huandoy Mt.

Alpacas

Cebu Cattle (see also veggie tales)

and The Amazon River & Rainforest

I'm going to Peru!!! Woohoo! I am really excited! It's going to be completely crazy and completely awesome and I almost can't wait. I don't know exactly where I'll be staying during the duration of my missionary travels, but I will inform you when that gets decided and announced when I get to Denver. My mother also so kindly informed/reminded me that anacondas also live in Peru. . .thanks mother dearest. Horror of horrors. I was doing some slight research since I don't really know where I'll be yet, but still, I found out that not only do that eat guinea pigs, which apparently everyone but I already knew, they also eat llamas. And they also make yarn out of Alpaca wool. I may have to get some of that for my cousin while I'm there. So now you know and can share in my excitement! Yay!

Yesterday I went to the lake in AL with G.C. and my brother and sister-in-law and had a most excellent time. We did some jumping off the dock and tubing behind the boat and sitting and chatting. The weather was really nice for it too. . .I'm pale, so the lack of sunshine and abundance of clouds was awesome in my opinion. I hate getting sunburned. We stayed in T-town and shopped and ate the foodsen for supper before G.C. and I headed home. Big Brother gives directions, Josie memorizes directions, G.C. drives. Somehow we get lost. We pull over on Shiver De Freeze Rd. (i kid you not!) to call Big Brother for rescue. After finally figuring out where the heck we were we find some county roads to take which will get us back to the main highway. . .eventually. It made for an interesting evening/drive which is always fun.

Currently listening to The National station on pandora which has been quite soothing on this rainy day. I'm wearing a sweatshirt and my toes have been freezing all morning. K.M. warmed my hands in church today and they have been toasty ever since! <3 I think I'm going to read some in Anne of Avonlea. . .i had to put it down during a potential crisis and I need to know what happens!

~me

"The Best Kind Of Prize Is A Sur-prize!"

Pssst!

The outreach locations have been set for my DTS.

Two options.

God knew the answer a month before the big reveal.

Basically, I know where I'm going on my outreach.

But it's more exciting told in person, so the blogger world will have to wait.

Also, I still need to tell my parents.

Yea. <3

~me

Return To The Home Sweet Home

I am in the process of packing up my room and the likes and I thought this chart was accurate to my current situation:

Well, it's been said that talking leads to thinking and thinking leads to decision making and so on. In this case it is perhaps a decision that should have been made a month ago, but my head wasn't properly situated upon my shoulders and therefore was not functioning to its best ability. Since I am moving off to the lovely Colorado next month until mid February the current living situation, in the long run financially, was decided not to be the wisest. Hoorah lame sauce. The one ridiculous thing about having to move out is that I had finally gotten the place decorated to the point where it felt homey and inviting. You can thank my SP for that. There are many other downsides, but we shall not mention them all here just yet. Just know that this makes three years in a row of moving. Yucko zucko.

Although, on the positive side of moving back home is that I have thoroughly cleaned almost every nook and cranny of my place and thrown away many much things and feel very victorious. Organization is my friend. It was just one of those days where I couldn't sleep because the urge to clean and organize was greater than my desire to sleep later, which generally means business. So business is what I got down to. I felt like that wild loony tunes character Taz, the Tasmanian devil, except that I was productive in my whirling about ways. Yes. Also on the positive side of moving back home is free meals and reclaiming my beloved closet. My closet is the bees knees, i kid you not. I'm sure my parents are also thrilled about my return back to the home sweet home and the fact that they will actually get to see their wonderful daughter before she leaves for seven hundred years! (emphasis added for dramatic effect)

Wish me luck in my packing and moving endeavors! I only have 35 days before I head off on this grand adventure and more to do than I think my poor brain can currently handle. But I think it's going to be fun just the same.

~Josie

Because I Know You Were Dying To Know

So, i got a new pair of shoes, guys. But not just any shoe. After 22 years of living, you'd think i ought to have a basic pair of black shoes, yea? Wrong. May I proudly introduce you to my first pair:

I'm kind of excited about them. . .

SIXTY-SEVEN DAYS

So, for those of you who do not yet know, that near panic attack about my "lost" YWAM application has been eased. It once was lost but now is found. . .hallelujah! Which also means that everything has now gone through and i have been accepted and am now counting down the days! (Sixty-seven, in case you're wondering). Basically, YWAM and things and people to do with YWAM is pretty much all i seem to talk about. Sorry! But i'm just so excited.

Ok, so get this, as i'm looking over some information in the online forum for the Fall DTS group i come across some understandable but kind of sorrowful information. My brain thought one thing, but facts were another. Apparently, when I leave in September i only get one break which i can choose to take or not at Thanksgiving, which is totally cool because it is in fact my FAVORITE holiday. The sorrowful thing is i'm going to have to wear my big girl face because i won't be home for Christmas. Sad panda. I will be overseas, which is completely awesome. . . just also completely out of my comfort zone. But the whole being out of my comfort zone is part of the point here anyway. Sure, it'll feel really strange to be gone during a major holiday for us, but i have to start sometime, right?

I am a major homebody which is going to make these five months interesting and difficult enough as it is, but then add in missing my FAVORITE holiday and Christmas and my sister-in-law's birthday and my dad's birthday and my mom's birthday. . . let's just say i reserve the right to shed a few tears. But in the end HE knows what HE's doing and i know it can only be good because HE is good. Let's just hope the next 67 days are full of peace and low on stress. Kk.

I want to leave you with some fun-ness. . .here's the link to the YWAM Denver website in case you want to check out where i'll be living in the Fall. Enjoy the photos!

~me

Ridiculous Excitement

The doctor's office called this morning! I got my release form back and i mailed in my application to YWAM!! WHEEE! I am so very happy.

~me

Oh The Awkwardness That Is I. . .

So, progress of getting letters and applications mailed is going rather slowly. I had planned to have my application mailed in last Friday to YWAM, but my doctor was on vacation. That's the last thing i needed to submit my application. OHH the frustrations! Ok, so maybe I'm a wee bit dramatic? Nah. Who knew that a medical release form would take three weeks to complete? Like woah, i know. I'm going to not stress because i really have no control over it and stressing only causes my head to swirl. I'll hopefully be sending out my newsletter before i head off to camp. whoop!

I have mixed feelings about camp of champions this year. Reason number one being that they have moved the forever loved and treasured location from PBJ State Park to some camp ground in Alabama. The new place looks lovely, so that's not it, it's the fact that i am a major introvert and my 'safety blanket' and any form of familiarity has been snatched. Yay. It will be good for me, i know it will. Reason number two is that this year i am going as a staffer/counselor. This part makes me super excited and slightly nervous. I love working with teenagers and am looking forward to what the week will bring, i guess i'm just kind of anxious? You never know who is going to come or what HE is going to do or say, but that is exciting. Expectation is good. Also, prayers would be nice. :)

I got my "big girl" license today. YAY ME! I have been waiting for four long and picture-ugly years to redeem that horrid monstrosity called a license photo. Every time that i had to pull it out to show to a cop or bank teller or waitress i would cringe. If you were to see it then i am pretty sure you would understand and sympathize with me. Seventeen, bad hair cut, awkward, ghostly pale, cheese-tastic smile. Need i say much more? Goodbye vertical monster, hello horizontal awkwardness. .....What? Awkwardness never leaves, silly.

I'm moving to Colorado in three months. Three months, guys! Can i be happy and sad about this? Ok, good. The weather will be great and the fact that my fingers are always so cold won't be completely bizarre. Bonus points! But madam shy pants will most likely get homesick. Let's hope not, but it is likely. I am SO excited though. My newsletter is almost ready. All i have to do is one last revision and then print and stuff 70+ envelopes. I must be a dork because that part makes me so happy. I love snail mail.

Revelation of the day: coffee tastes good with just about everything but it tastes tremendously delicious when paired with banana nut muffins. Om nom nom!

~me

Summer Plans

My so-called summer "to-do" list:

1) girl trip to Virginia to see cousins

2) D.C. visit as well

3) dye a streak of my hair hot pink

4) make a few trips down to the beach

5) my BIRTHDAY! planning and celebrating and the likes

6) be a counselor at camp of champions

7) play frisbee or softball or volleyball at least twice a week

8) picnics

9) experiment some more with tie dying

10) apply to YWAM

11) write and send out newsletter

12) hopefully visit family in Nashville again

13) be a counselor at Ikthoos Camp

14) finish at least the fourth season of Buffy

15) talk G.C. into getting me a great dane for my birthday

16) make lots of artsy crafty doodads

17) go swimming and enjoy it. . .water--yuck

18) wrap up small groups :(

19) cook in more and eat out less

20) go to the zoo

21) ride the Bruce more

22) spend more time with the fam

23) soak up every moment of the last summer i will have with all of my friends in the same town

This could possibly be the most bitter-sweet of summers i will ever experience but God is good and all He does is out of love. So, i'm hoping and looking forward to a terrific summer and i hope that you are as well because summer is AWESOME. Exactly.

~me

The Things That Are Exciting

Finals are upon us. In all the fullness of finals. The stress and dumbness and lack of sleep has hit an unnerving high. Literally. The fact that my eye has been in constant twitch mode for a week now cannot be a good sign. No, it just can't. I went over to Gracie's house last night. I walked in the door and she looked at me and immediately offered me coffee. Yea, it's that bad. I'm afraid i might start the zombie apocalypse here soon. So basically if i can make it through to Wed at 5pm central time, alive mind you, I will be ok.
I hope.
So, in other news................................i want to keep it a secret but really, most everyone who reads this blog already knows, so what the heck! I am quitting my job on Friday the 13th of May (ironic, huh?). This seems dumb but i promise i have an explanation. I do. So, this summer = a LOT of changes. People are moving away and basically it sucks. I'm possibly going to be a counselor at COC (yayay) and get to go to the beach with G.C. which leaves me no time to really work. I'd have to take off like every weekend which isn't allowed. PLUS, i'd like to be able to see and hang out with my friends before they leave and before i leave.
Wait what!? Did i just say "i leave"...? Yea. Don't make me repeat myself, kid.
Here's the deal-eo: YWAM. I probably mentioned something about this last year, maybe not, but it's been on my heart for awhile. YWAM stands for Youth With A Mission and is focused on discipling others and then training them to go out and do the same. The lecture phase is 3 months, which is short, but for me it'll be like 12,000 years because i have been prone to get homesick in the past. Maybe that's because i was dying in the Atlanta airport though? Yea...
Let's just say i am ridiculously excited! I still don't yet know where i will be located but i'm waiting. HE is in control and HE loves me, which is comforting beyond measure. I love seeing HIS hand working in my life and HIS timing...oh my gosh HIS timing is always the best. HE is good. I am blessed.
Expecting.

~me

Show Me Your Dance Moves

I AM JUST SO EXCITED ABOUT LIFE RIGHT NOW!! DON'T ASK ME WHY, I MIGHT TELL YOU LATER BUT IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER!! I'M JUST SO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O SUPER STOKED!! WAHOOOO!
also, i do not have an enthusiastic personality... eckhmm. :D

yes. . . . that excited!

~me