A&E......anxiety & excitement

Things that cause panic and mini anxiety attacks:

--checking on the flight status for 7 travelers that leave for another country in two days and not being able to find any of the information you need, calling the airline service in a panic to sort out details, then calming down because you've realized you accidentally put in the flight number for the second flight, not the first. Computers cannot read minds nor correct silly mistakes automatically. 

The moral of this story is, "calm down and double check your digits."


There is a very well balanced mixture of anxiety and excitement swirling about inside me as I and my lovely group of girls prepare to travel to the beautiful country of Guatemala. There is no way that this time last year I would have ever thought that I'd be doing this or traveling there. I am learning that when you set really big dreams and goals, even ones you think are outlandish and impossible, that God is still faithful to see that they happen, that those dreams get fulfilled. He knows the desires of our hearts, He put them there in the first place, we simply must learn to hand all of those desires and dreams back into His hands in order for them to come to fruition. These are the truths I am discovering. 

I have no idea what or who we will encounter or what the ministry times will look like, however I know how good the Father is and I am expecting Him and Him alone. I just want Him to work, Him to speak, and Him to move in all situations and in every heart because that is all that counts and all that matters. His glory is our goal. 

His Nearness Is Our Good

Have you ever taken a sip of your drink thinking it was perhaps sweet tea only to find out upon that first swig that you had actually poured yourself sprite instead? Startling isn't it? There is nothing more surprising than expecting one thing and instead getting something completely different, whether that be in drink beverage or in life. Most people don't like surprises, it makes them uncomfortable and nervous usually because they didn't have a part in the planning or orchestrating of it, therefore they obviously don't know what's coming. Rough, I know.

I have been surprised over and over again as of late by not only myself, but also others and most of all by God. There seems to be this lesson that I am in need of learning which is to expect God and Him alone. Not to expect my plans or my co-laborers plans or my teams plans or the pastors plans or the groups plans, but to expect Jesus. Just Jesus, in every circumstance.

Expecting the King means laying down our will, our way, and our rights in order that He be properly exalted and enthroned in our hearts and in our lives. The thing about that is that it's not easy, but that is another good aspect about the Father; He hasn't called us to walk an easy road but just to follow Him. He doesn't burden us but does offer to carry the burdens we and others have put upon our own backs. He doesn't call us to fish for men and speak the truth in love because that's simple and easy, but He calls to do that because He first loved us, He first gave all He had to us.

There is something tender and humbling when we reach the point where we realize He is worth more than our current dismal and trying circumstances. He is a better sight than wherever we may have chosen to set our gaze that isn't Him. He is worthy of being expected in the mundane as well as in the extraordinary events of our life, whether we feel it or not. Because regardless of how we feel He is still and always will be worthy of our praise and adoration.

I do not write this because I have it figured out or have mastered the art of honoring Him with every breath I take, but because I see His strength in my weakness and know that I need Him ever more. His nearness is our good. Expect Him and never be dismayed or disappointed for He is King of kings and LORD of lords, there in none like Him.

~Josie

M.I.A.

After realizing and being scolded by a few various people at the lack of blog writing I've done, I thought I owed an update to those who chance to read this (aka my mother and G.C.). *wink wink*

So tomorrow starts the 7th week of my Phase II school here at YWAM Denver and it has so far been fabulous and really eye-opening. Our first week was on Strengths Finder, which is basically this test that we all had to take before the week started to discover our top five strengths and then we spent the next four days detailing, identifying, and learning how to live and function in our specific strengths. My top five, in case you were curious, are Adaptability, Includer, Restorative, Developer, and Connectedness; which basically means I am a relationship oriented person who goes with the flow and loves to encourage people and see them grow and develop into who they're meant to be. Basically. So yea that week of teaching was really enlightening, it brought so much clarity as to why I act and respond the way I do in certain situations and also how I can better serve and relate to other people as I grow into and discover more of who God has made me to be. The speaker, Chey, that week had us make and keep two lists, one was things we loved and one was things we loathed which we filled throughout the week as we came across certain things that we felt needed to be added to one or both of the lists. Some of the things that I wrote down were contradictory or on both lists, which was weird but it was often that it was due to the situation or setting, not that I was bipolar in my reasoning process. For instance on my loathe it list I have both "not making quick decisions" and "being rushed to make decisions." I promise it makes sense. ha. Anyway, it was fun, and still is fun, discovering how to use my strengths and then making a conscious effort to engage and practice using them in everyday situations. Good times.

About two or so weeks ago we had another lady from Boulder come and speak, which has probably been my favorite week of teaching so far. Brenda Lewis is her name and she taught on dreams and desires and did so with such authority, wisdom, humility, love, and laughter. She really had us think and consider what our dreams were and how we were living in order to achieve those dreams and desires, which made me realize, sadly, that I didn't have any dreams really. I had stopped dreaming for so long, I had become such a practical, down-to-earth thinker that I had completely avoided the idea of dreaming because I labeled all of that as impossible and unrealistic. If I can't achieve it then it will never be possible and I will never see it come to pass, that was my thinking for so long. I had gotten used to being disappointed and let down by my dreams and desires in life as I watched them all fall away unfulfilled that I just quit dreaming or allowing God to fill me with new dreams and desires altogether. Sad but true. Throughout the week Brenda challenged and encouraged us to step out on a limb and trust God to fill us with new dreams and to trust Him to fulfill them in His way and His timing, not our own. Nothing ever turns out the way we think it will anyway. So at the end of that week I took out a sheet of paper and began to write and scribble designs and ideas and hopes and plans that I felt God had been hinting at for awhile and things that I am passionate about and now I am so excited about my future, about what God is going to do, about the dreams and thoughts He's got just for me to walk out here and now. Dreaming again has never made me feel more free and alive. God is so faithful!

Tonight my Phase II school is heading up to the Eagle Rock campus for the week, I can't describe to you my enthusiasm about that fact right now, but it is real high! I spent three amazing months up there and so for me it's like returning home, it makes my heart happy. This week is going to be full of good teachings, a hectic schedule, fireside talks in the dining hall, lovely Jesus time, and living in the mountains again...I am stoked beyond words. I hope that you're week is more than amazing as well, filled with splendid moments and good Jesus time too.

~Josie K.


P.S. Shout out to my lovely mother today for being amazing, kind, patient, loving, caring, open, listening, and an all around terrific mother. I love you mother dearest, happy mom's day!

Introverted Love

Sorry for the absence from my blog and the lack of updates. It's been super crazy and busy up here but I've been having a ball. So, for starters, this past week we had an awesome lady from the Lakeside, MT ywam base come down and speak for the week. She talked on relationships and it blew my mind, half the time i was just sitting there thinking 'oh dear heavens' just because she was so right on and full of wisdom. I really love how God is bringing just the right speaker and topic at just the time i need to hear it. The passion with which the Word is being brought and the zeal with which the truth is coming at me is melting my face off and it's awesome!

Anyway, so she, Kristy Wilkie, talked on everything under the sun when it comes to relationships and was so blunt and real with all of us, it was so refreshing. her black and white teaching method was exactly what I needed and God must have known that because this week rocked my world and the way I think about or treat relationships. At the end of every lecture week we have a time of reflection and this week for reflection we wrote a letter to God telling him what he can expect from us when it comes to relationships. So I basically promised God John 13:35 which says that the world will know you love and follow God if you love others. Surprising as it may be it's really hard for me to step out of myself and my fear of being rejected and love freely. But I want people to know God and know that he loves them and I've been given this exact love so all the more reason to step out of my bubble and love without fear.

One way that i have been stretched to practice this is on Friday nights when we go down to downtown Denver for what we call Kingdom Night. We seek God's face on what his heart is for Denver that night in particular and then go out and minister to the people in whatever way God leads. It was a challenge at first to go out and talk with people and just pray with them and it has gotten slightly easier but the fear of my introverted self is still around. But Kristy Wilkie this week said something that blew my socks off; she said that we have to be people of influence and we can't do that successfully if we stay shy. Basically, we have to lay down our right to being introverted because otherwise we'll never reach people the way God desires us to. True fact.

I'm really excited about what God is doing and where he is leading me. he is stirring up the fire that's burning inside of me and giving me opportunities to apply all he is teaching me. Like, no joke, it's been insane how many doors he's opened allowing me to experience and apply what he's teaching me. GOD IS SO GOOD.

On another note....my "h"' key no longer works. I have ctrl-v'd my way through this entire post and this entire sentence. It is slightly frustrating but it's slowly becoming habit....lol. I ordered a new keyboard today which i KNOW is going to make my typing much easier and my brain much less stressed out. I am allowed to be slightly dramatic about this...yea.

I'm currently sitting next to a toasty fire in the dining hall with awesome people all around. I love the people here, God has set me among such an awesome community of people, I am so extremely blessed. God is good all the time. . . .

~Josie

Update Mate

Today is Wednesday, but you could have told me otherwise and I would have believed you. My days have been thrown so off kilter that it's slightly unnerving. Schedules are generally my friend and routine in small doses is also nice, which is slowly making it's way back into my life. Hi, i'm slightly ocd about those kinds of things.

Anyway, so this past week or so has been a crazy whirlwind of fun, new people, new places, adventures, revelations, and insights. Last week we talked about Kingdom Culture and what that involved and how to apply it to our daily lives. The five basic parts of Kingdom Culture are intimacy, honor, gratitude, life in the Spirit, and family, which can all be broken down and expounded upon. For instance, my small group took the five and wrote down our own thoughts concerning a particular aspect and then what we could recall from what we got in lecture time. I got the word intimacy and broke it down basically to 'knowing love from another without the fear of judgement' and then related it back to Song of Songs 4:7 which talks of how God sees us without flaw or blemish. Which really is a beautiful picture. I love that book of the bible anyway.

This week, starting yesterday, was the official start of lecture week. We have a local pastor, Black Mattocks, coming up the mountain all week to talk about the nature and character of God and so far it has been insanely awesome! He's laying down the building blocks and introducing us to his character in a really cool way. He's very engaging and excited about what God has done and shown him in his life and about teaching it to us. I'm excited too, to be honest. Yesterday he was talking about how there are no posers in the Kingdom of God. We're not allowed to have walls or fake identities because we've declared that we have surrendered that to God if we also declare that we are His children. It reminded me of that scripture, I think it's in John, where it talks about how nothing is hidden from God, but everything is uncovered and laid bare before Him, which is exactly how we're supposed to be living before God and before the body of Christ and the world. He's called us to be His ambassadors and we can't do that if we're pretending we're someone or something that we're not. He sees through our disguises so might as well take them off and surrender them willingly to begin with. Can I get an "Amen"??! :D

Anyway, I will write of more exciting God things soon, but right now I am wiped out. This upcoming week, Monday through Wednesday, our whole DTS group plus the other four ywam bases in CO, which adds up to somewhere around 400 people will be in Colorado Springs. We're going to this conference called Acts 1 and it's supposed to be awesome. I'm expecting amazing things to come out of this next week...and these next five months. I'm stoked, guys...to the core. I miss you all back home and hope to keep you more updated. Love!

~Josie

I'm A Big Girl Now

Monday:

drove to H-burg with Gracie

-schools are dumb sometimes

-met her awesome friend.... who i swear is the black version of me

-lovely talks on the drive

supper with the fam

movie watching with J.L.

-Cary Grant is still slick at sixty

Tuesday:

slept late

-yayayay!

did some more packing

-which seems useless because i just end up wanting to wear what i've just packed

-also, dad put a t-rex in my suitcase. lol

eye doctor visit

-i'm far-sighted

-but just barely, so no worries.

stopped by my previous home which we will now call "G.C.'s place"

-chocolate cake...!

Wednesday:

rise and shine before 7am

drove to campus to get shots

-let it be known that the MSU campus is one of like 4 clinics in the whole state that carry the typhoid vaccine.

-which is weird

-got three vaccines and 90 malaria pills

went to my favorite spot in town, city bagel, to get coffee and brunch

-eating alone is fabulous sometimes

-wrote ty notes and read books

supper with the parents

prayer night at P&D's

-last one for many moons

late night grocery shopping

also late night cooking

Thursday:

packed picnic lunch

picked up Gracie's birthday present

-it was ready just in time

-also, my bargaining skills are insane

took Gracie to the refuge

-we picnicked, we trail walked, we deer and bird watched

-we also drove

-and we got lost....ending up in a town 35 minutes from original location

-positive side of getting lost = poppy seed bread from the local bakery

-WIN

library visits and chats

-they are generally fun and often amusing

Life class at P&D's

-also the last one for many moons

-*tear

Friday:

helped a friend pack up her house with mother dearest

-nice chats

spectacle shopping

-i got glasses, i got glasses, i got glasses hey hey hey hey!

-they're purple....again. don't judge me

grocery shopped with mother dearest

-felt like i was 12yro again on a saturday

cleaned house for farewell dinner tomorrow evening

-i have 6 days left

I think i'm so lost and confused as to what emotion i should be feeling that i have depleted my emotion department of reasoning skills. If that sentence made a lick of sense to you i will give you a star. God has been doing so much in me in the past three months, and even more so in the past three weeks because I know HE's preparing me for something and that it'll be grand, it's just the molding and waiting period that is so difficult. These past few weeks have been bitter-sweet as I am beginning to realize how much I love and will miss everyone. It's usually, and most recently, been the other way around where people depart from me, which is making this "move" weird and slightly hard since I'm doing the leaving. Is it this hard for extroverts?

Anyway, the weather here has been MARVELOUS the past day or so. It feels crisp and cheery, just like September should feel. Also, did you know a crisp in Scotland is a potato chip? Because chips in Scotland are actually french fries. Random fact of the day! I'm hungry now with all this talk of food. . . .eckhmm. Yea. The anemic child has got to eat!

~J.K.

Return To The Home Sweet Home

I am in the process of packing up my room and the likes and I thought this chart was accurate to my current situation:

Well, it's been said that talking leads to thinking and thinking leads to decision making and so on. In this case it is perhaps a decision that should have been made a month ago, but my head wasn't properly situated upon my shoulders and therefore was not functioning to its best ability. Since I am moving off to the lovely Colorado next month until mid February the current living situation, in the long run financially, was decided not to be the wisest. Hoorah lame sauce. The one ridiculous thing about having to move out is that I had finally gotten the place decorated to the point where it felt homey and inviting. You can thank my SP for that. There are many other downsides, but we shall not mention them all here just yet. Just know that this makes three years in a row of moving. Yucko zucko.

Although, on the positive side of moving back home is that I have thoroughly cleaned almost every nook and cranny of my place and thrown away many much things and feel very victorious. Organization is my friend. It was just one of those days where I couldn't sleep because the urge to clean and organize was greater than my desire to sleep later, which generally means business. So business is what I got down to. I felt like that wild loony tunes character Taz, the Tasmanian devil, except that I was productive in my whirling about ways. Yes. Also on the positive side of moving back home is free meals and reclaiming my beloved closet. My closet is the bees knees, i kid you not. I'm sure my parents are also thrilled about my return back to the home sweet home and the fact that they will actually get to see their wonderful daughter before she leaves for seven hundred years! (emphasis added for dramatic effect)

Wish me luck in my packing and moving endeavors! I only have 35 days before I head off on this grand adventure and more to do than I think my poor brain can currently handle. But I think it's going to be fun just the same.

~Josie

Today

My to-do list before i leave for YWAM next month seems to be piling higher and higher to an amount that almost scares me. It's silly things, too, like getting shots that are required, going to the dentist for a cleaning, getting my hair cut, making sure my car is in the most epic shape of its life, packing woes, etc. Basically, too much to do and not enough time, which is the story of our lives. Am i right? Yea...

So, aside from all of these preparations that have to be dealt with i also want to relax and spend more time with family and with friends and just revel in the community that i have and so very much love. At times i wish that i were eighteen again and that i could run around and be carefree with my friends 24/7, but then i'm reminded that i was still a teenager then....we won't go back there. No. Moving forward. . . . . .but this also basically adds up to too much to do and say and not enough time.

I'm pretty sure it's been said by more than one person at more than one time that they wished for just one more hour in the day. Like, how cool would that be! So, what would we do with this extra glorious hour? Perhaps we could go for that bike ride that we never can seem to squeeze in, or go visit with an old friend over coffee, or practice that instrument that you swear you never have time for, or....the list could go on forever.

But it's this, 24/7, way on purpose. We have a choice to make every morning we wake up what to do with the precious hours allotted to us. We have a choice to make the most of it or throw it away. We have the choice to spend it on worrying over every last detail of our lives or to spend it with HIM. We have the choice to complain or to praise every second of every hour of everyday. We have the choice to look at ourselves or to look up at HIM.

I'm not saying it's easy. Nothing good every comes the easy way. He promises hardships, which more than often is death to self and that is no easy task. But death to self is a daily decision, it's something we choose to walk in every moment that He's given us if we confess to love HIM. Basically, if we're surrendered to and walking with HIM then every moment is also His

~me

Poetry

I wrote this sometime last year. Sometimes things stay relevant or solid. At least for me. I can't promise brilliance, so here. . .

Thoughts of distress

Creep up on me

Like a big storm

Upon the sea

Finding no way

Of escaping it,

But not wanting

To surrender either

Deciding to jump

Means death by waves,

Deciding to stay may

Mean death by fright

Instead of surrendering

To fright or death

I will surrender to

The One who

Holds my heart

He will save me

From the enemy's lies,

From all the torment

That plagues my soul

Throw me a rope,

Give ear to my cry

So You can put me

Back on dry ground,

A place I know is firm

SIXTY-SEVEN DAYS

So, for those of you who do not yet know, that near panic attack about my "lost" YWAM application has been eased. It once was lost but now is found. . .hallelujah! Which also means that everything has now gone through and i have been accepted and am now counting down the days! (Sixty-seven, in case you're wondering). Basically, YWAM and things and people to do with YWAM is pretty much all i seem to talk about. Sorry! But i'm just so excited.

Ok, so get this, as i'm looking over some information in the online forum for the Fall DTS group i come across some understandable but kind of sorrowful information. My brain thought one thing, but facts were another. Apparently, when I leave in September i only get one break which i can choose to take or not at Thanksgiving, which is totally cool because it is in fact my FAVORITE holiday. The sorrowful thing is i'm going to have to wear my big girl face because i won't be home for Christmas. Sad panda. I will be overseas, which is completely awesome. . . just also completely out of my comfort zone. But the whole being out of my comfort zone is part of the point here anyway. Sure, it'll feel really strange to be gone during a major holiday for us, but i have to start sometime, right?

I am a major homebody which is going to make these five months interesting and difficult enough as it is, but then add in missing my FAVORITE holiday and Christmas and my sister-in-law's birthday and my dad's birthday and my mom's birthday. . . let's just say i reserve the right to shed a few tears. But in the end HE knows what HE's doing and i know it can only be good because HE is good. Let's just hope the next 67 days are full of peace and low on stress. Kk.

I want to leave you with some fun-ness. . .here's the link to the YWAM Denver website in case you want to check out where i'll be living in the Fall. Enjoy the photos!

~me

Thank You, Oswald

Oswald Chambers tends to express thoughts so well, even my own it seems. . . .

"The aim of the missionary is to do God's will,

not to be useful, not to win the heathen;

he is useful and he does win the heathen,

but that is not his aim.

His aim is to do the will of his LORD."

~me

Submission. It's Good.

The longer I travel on this journey that God has me taking, the more I discover that HE is bigger than my thoughts and grander than my dreams. There are lots of times when i think that my ideas are perfect and correct, but that generally doesn't last too long. More and more as i walk with HIM i find that HE truly does know best and that HE really does love me and have my best at heart. I am here to glorify HIM, whether that means going or staying, speaking or being quiet.

Lately I've been running into unexpected walls because I keep diverting from the road HE has put me on. I begin to think that i can be useful over there or share a word to that person, but in the end I have come to realize that if my intentions are not to glorify God then they are wrong. Trying to do things out of my own strength or will only leads to frustration and disappointment. . . so can someone explain to me why I cannot get that to stick? I think if you were to whack me with a brick everyday repeating that fact constantly I still may not get it. Surely stubbornness doesn't root itself that deeply. . .

It's nice to know and observe, however, that there are others with similar stories from their travels and truths about who God is and has shown Himself to be. We don't walk this road alone, and as cliche as that may sound it is true. HE doesn't plot out our course, however lovely and desirable that may sound, but calls us to seek HIM out. A great part of the journey is the discovery. I mean, can you imagine how boring it would be if we knew what was around each curve and where HE was taking us next? I love the mysterious nature of God. . .it makes life exciting. HE has showed me, though, that the first step, literally, to walking with HIM along this exciting adventure is submitting to HIM. Nothing else matters until that first step is taken.

True that.

~me

Oh The Awkwardness That Is I. . .

So, progress of getting letters and applications mailed is going rather slowly. I had planned to have my application mailed in last Friday to YWAM, but my doctor was on vacation. That's the last thing i needed to submit my application. OHH the frustrations! Ok, so maybe I'm a wee bit dramatic? Nah. Who knew that a medical release form would take three weeks to complete? Like woah, i know. I'm going to not stress because i really have no control over it and stressing only causes my head to swirl. I'll hopefully be sending out my newsletter before i head off to camp. whoop!

I have mixed feelings about camp of champions this year. Reason number one being that they have moved the forever loved and treasured location from PBJ State Park to some camp ground in Alabama. The new place looks lovely, so that's not it, it's the fact that i am a major introvert and my 'safety blanket' and any form of familiarity has been snatched. Yay. It will be good for me, i know it will. Reason number two is that this year i am going as a staffer/counselor. This part makes me super excited and slightly nervous. I love working with teenagers and am looking forward to what the week will bring, i guess i'm just kind of anxious? You never know who is going to come or what HE is going to do or say, but that is exciting. Expectation is good. Also, prayers would be nice. :)

I got my "big girl" license today. YAY ME! I have been waiting for four long and picture-ugly years to redeem that horrid monstrosity called a license photo. Every time that i had to pull it out to show to a cop or bank teller or waitress i would cringe. If you were to see it then i am pretty sure you would understand and sympathize with me. Seventeen, bad hair cut, awkward, ghostly pale, cheese-tastic smile. Need i say much more? Goodbye vertical monster, hello horizontal awkwardness. .....What? Awkwardness never leaves, silly.

I'm moving to Colorado in three months. Three months, guys! Can i be happy and sad about this? Ok, good. The weather will be great and the fact that my fingers are always so cold won't be completely bizarre. Bonus points! But madam shy pants will most likely get homesick. Let's hope not, but it is likely. I am SO excited though. My newsletter is almost ready. All i have to do is one last revision and then print and stuff 70+ envelopes. I must be a dork because that part makes me so happy. I love snail mail.

Revelation of the day: coffee tastes good with just about everything but it tastes tremendously delicious when paired with banana nut muffins. Om nom nom!

~me

Belly Of A Fish

I remember when the Veggie Tales version of the story of Jonah came out in the theater. I went to go see it with my two best friends, we were thirteen, giddy and got the best seats in the house. It was a cute movie with a good message and memorable songs sung by vegetables. But the story of Jonah is so much more than a tale about a giant fish who swallowed a man only to spit him back up three days later.

The story of Jonah is also my story. I'd rather be likened to another character in the Bible like Samuel or David or perhaps even Moses, but Jonah it is. There is this thing I don't like called the unknown. Also conflict. That too. But yea, not knowing what comes next or how or WHY is something quite scary, in my opinion. Stepping outside of my comfort zone and deciding that what HE has asked of me is more important than my ridiculous concerns and fears. But alas, I am like poor ol' Jonah, I look at the task or request and I run full speed ahead...in the opposite direction. There is some phrase about facing your fears, it's good advice, but I like to be different from the pack; I like to run from my fears. HE says do this, go here, speak that and my flesh will not die. I am like a disease to my own self. Insane, I know.

Jonah didn't have Nineveh in his plan, it wasn't on his regular route and I'm sure he hoped it never would be. We don't get to plan our destinations or the routes by which we get there. The only option we have is to obey or not to obey. Do we do it HIS way or do we turn our backs and run in our own way? Which one do you think brings the greatest amount of satisfaction? On this journey of HIM revealing to me that I am more and more like Jonah than I was at first willing to accept, I have realized that even though I may run there is no place HE is not. David in the Psalms said,

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, and settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast (139:7-10)."

I can try for the rest of my days to run from HIM if I so desire, but it achieves nothing and it hurts because I know that if HE has called me somewhere then HE only means good by it. So perhaps I will save my legs and my breath and run the direction HE has placed before me because I know that submission and obedience bring joy and peace.

Hopefully I won't need a giant fish to swallow me before it completely clicks...

~Josie

Where My Heart Belongs

Hullo! OK, so i have been wandering around the Eastern half of the country for the past week....whew! and have things to share and tell and elaborate on, etc. But I will save that for when i'm not exhausted and have been on the road for 16 hours. Exactly.

BUT...i just wanted to let you know that the Smokey Mountains ARE RIDICULOUSLY GORGEOUS AND YOU SHOULD GO SEE THEM....NOW! i'm really sure that my heart belongs in the mountains, so i guess i'll test this upcoming fall to see if it's the East or West version of mountain that i prefer. In the meantime, however, drive to TN/NC and soak in the beauty because it is glorious.

~me

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

There are some words that i really love, ones that i only use in certain situations and some that i cherish so much i only use once in a blue moon. Words, big or small, weird or not, have so much more significance and value than i think we credit them for. It's funny how words that get continuously used slowly lose their meaning, depth or worth and fade into the over-used pile. This is always a shame, but they always seem to make a comeback sooner or later. However, along with these words that i completely adore there are words that i absolutely despise. Some are just picky like "get", i don't know why but i just cannot stand that word. And yes i know i already used it once in this post, i tried to bypass it with no success. However, there is a word that i wish would completely fade out of existence and never make it's way back around. "Fail." It has no grace, no glory, no beauty, no strength, no encouragement and no peaceful sound. If you can imagine nails running down on a chalkboard or the noise of a violent crash of objects, this is what i hear when that word is spoken; painful noise. The weight that this word carries is so much more heavy and deteriorating than many people believe it to be and i honestly wish it would just die. What makes anything a fail? By whose standards is one judging this or that or him or her and with right, to the point where the word "fail" is used as a descriptor? Perhaps it has become more culturally hip and therefore roles more freely off the tongue. Still....it can be saved, it can be spared for those times when you didn't work your butt off as much in chemistry class as you should have and therefore deserve that horrid F. Just the same though, i am not in favor of this word, may it rest in pieces. HE does not create anything that is defined as a failure. I would however like to leave you with my favorite word of all time. It is simple and eloquent and i feel that it sums up more than most of its competitors. I am a fan.

Beautiful.

~me