A&E......anxiety & excitement

Things that cause panic and mini anxiety attacks:

--checking on the flight status for 7 travelers that leave for another country in two days and not being able to find any of the information you need, calling the airline service in a panic to sort out details, then calming down because you've realized you accidentally put in the flight number for the second flight, not the first. Computers cannot read minds nor correct silly mistakes automatically. 

The moral of this story is, "calm down and double check your digits."


There is a very well balanced mixture of anxiety and excitement swirling about inside me as I and my lovely group of girls prepare to travel to the beautiful country of Guatemala. There is no way that this time last year I would have ever thought that I'd be doing this or traveling there. I am learning that when you set really big dreams and goals, even ones you think are outlandish and impossible, that God is still faithful to see that they happen, that those dreams get fulfilled. He knows the desires of our hearts, He put them there in the first place, we simply must learn to hand all of those desires and dreams back into His hands in order for them to come to fruition. These are the truths I am discovering. 

I have no idea what or who we will encounter or what the ministry times will look like, however I know how good the Father is and I am expecting Him and Him alone. I just want Him to work, Him to speak, and Him to move in all situations and in every heart because that is all that counts and all that matters. His glory is our goal. 

His Nearness Is Our Good

Have you ever taken a sip of your drink thinking it was perhaps sweet tea only to find out upon that first swig that you had actually poured yourself sprite instead? Startling isn't it? There is nothing more surprising than expecting one thing and instead getting something completely different, whether that be in drink beverage or in life. Most people don't like surprises, it makes them uncomfortable and nervous usually because they didn't have a part in the planning or orchestrating of it, therefore they obviously don't know what's coming. Rough, I know.

I have been surprised over and over again as of late by not only myself, but also others and most of all by God. There seems to be this lesson that I am in need of learning which is to expect God and Him alone. Not to expect my plans or my co-laborers plans or my teams plans or the pastors plans or the groups plans, but to expect Jesus. Just Jesus, in every circumstance.

Expecting the King means laying down our will, our way, and our rights in order that He be properly exalted and enthroned in our hearts and in our lives. The thing about that is that it's not easy, but that is another good aspect about the Father; He hasn't called us to walk an easy road but just to follow Him. He doesn't burden us but does offer to carry the burdens we and others have put upon our own backs. He doesn't call us to fish for men and speak the truth in love because that's simple and easy, but He calls to do that because He first loved us, He first gave all He had to us.

There is something tender and humbling when we reach the point where we realize He is worth more than our current dismal and trying circumstances. He is a better sight than wherever we may have chosen to set our gaze that isn't Him. He is worthy of being expected in the mundane as well as in the extraordinary events of our life, whether we feel it or not. Because regardless of how we feel He is still and always will be worthy of our praise and adoration.

I do not write this because I have it figured out or have mastered the art of honoring Him with every breath I take, but because I see His strength in my weakness and know that I need Him ever more. His nearness is our good. Expect Him and never be dismayed or disappointed for He is King of kings and LORD of lords, there in none like Him.

~Josie

M.I.A.

After realizing and being scolded by a few various people at the lack of blog writing I've done, I thought I owed an update to those who chance to read this (aka my mother and G.C.). *wink wink*

So tomorrow starts the 7th week of my Phase II school here at YWAM Denver and it has so far been fabulous and really eye-opening. Our first week was on Strengths Finder, which is basically this test that we all had to take before the week started to discover our top five strengths and then we spent the next four days detailing, identifying, and learning how to live and function in our specific strengths. My top five, in case you were curious, are Adaptability, Includer, Restorative, Developer, and Connectedness; which basically means I am a relationship oriented person who goes with the flow and loves to encourage people and see them grow and develop into who they're meant to be. Basically. So yea that week of teaching was really enlightening, it brought so much clarity as to why I act and respond the way I do in certain situations and also how I can better serve and relate to other people as I grow into and discover more of who God has made me to be. The speaker, Chey, that week had us make and keep two lists, one was things we loved and one was things we loathed which we filled throughout the week as we came across certain things that we felt needed to be added to one or both of the lists. Some of the things that I wrote down were contradictory or on both lists, which was weird but it was often that it was due to the situation or setting, not that I was bipolar in my reasoning process. For instance on my loathe it list I have both "not making quick decisions" and "being rushed to make decisions." I promise it makes sense. ha. Anyway, it was fun, and still is fun, discovering how to use my strengths and then making a conscious effort to engage and practice using them in everyday situations. Good times.

About two or so weeks ago we had another lady from Boulder come and speak, which has probably been my favorite week of teaching so far. Brenda Lewis is her name and she taught on dreams and desires and did so with such authority, wisdom, humility, love, and laughter. She really had us think and consider what our dreams were and how we were living in order to achieve those dreams and desires, which made me realize, sadly, that I didn't have any dreams really. I had stopped dreaming for so long, I had become such a practical, down-to-earth thinker that I had completely avoided the idea of dreaming because I labeled all of that as impossible and unrealistic. If I can't achieve it then it will never be possible and I will never see it come to pass, that was my thinking for so long. I had gotten used to being disappointed and let down by my dreams and desires in life as I watched them all fall away unfulfilled that I just quit dreaming or allowing God to fill me with new dreams and desires altogether. Sad but true. Throughout the week Brenda challenged and encouraged us to step out on a limb and trust God to fill us with new dreams and to trust Him to fulfill them in His way and His timing, not our own. Nothing ever turns out the way we think it will anyway. So at the end of that week I took out a sheet of paper and began to write and scribble designs and ideas and hopes and plans that I felt God had been hinting at for awhile and things that I am passionate about and now I am so excited about my future, about what God is going to do, about the dreams and thoughts He's got just for me to walk out here and now. Dreaming again has never made me feel more free and alive. God is so faithful!

Tonight my Phase II school is heading up to the Eagle Rock campus for the week, I can't describe to you my enthusiasm about that fact right now, but it is real high! I spent three amazing months up there and so for me it's like returning home, it makes my heart happy. This week is going to be full of good teachings, a hectic schedule, fireside talks in the dining hall, lovely Jesus time, and living in the mountains again...I am stoked beyond words. I hope that you're week is more than amazing as well, filled with splendid moments and good Jesus time too.

~Josie K.


P.S. Shout out to my lovely mother today for being amazing, kind, patient, loving, caring, open, listening, and an all around terrific mother. I love you mother dearest, happy mom's day!

Introverted Love

Sorry for the absence from my blog and the lack of updates. It's been super crazy and busy up here but I've been having a ball. So, for starters, this past week we had an awesome lady from the Lakeside, MT ywam base come down and speak for the week. She talked on relationships and it blew my mind, half the time i was just sitting there thinking 'oh dear heavens' just because she was so right on and full of wisdom. I really love how God is bringing just the right speaker and topic at just the time i need to hear it. The passion with which the Word is being brought and the zeal with which the truth is coming at me is melting my face off and it's awesome!

Anyway, so she, Kristy Wilkie, talked on everything under the sun when it comes to relationships and was so blunt and real with all of us, it was so refreshing. her black and white teaching method was exactly what I needed and God must have known that because this week rocked my world and the way I think about or treat relationships. At the end of every lecture week we have a time of reflection and this week for reflection we wrote a letter to God telling him what he can expect from us when it comes to relationships. So I basically promised God John 13:35 which says that the world will know you love and follow God if you love others. Surprising as it may be it's really hard for me to step out of myself and my fear of being rejected and love freely. But I want people to know God and know that he loves them and I've been given this exact love so all the more reason to step out of my bubble and love without fear.

One way that i have been stretched to practice this is on Friday nights when we go down to downtown Denver for what we call Kingdom Night. We seek God's face on what his heart is for Denver that night in particular and then go out and minister to the people in whatever way God leads. It was a challenge at first to go out and talk with people and just pray with them and it has gotten slightly easier but the fear of my introverted self is still around. But Kristy Wilkie this week said something that blew my socks off; she said that we have to be people of influence and we can't do that successfully if we stay shy. Basically, we have to lay down our right to being introverted because otherwise we'll never reach people the way God desires us to. True fact.

I'm really excited about what God is doing and where he is leading me. he is stirring up the fire that's burning inside of me and giving me opportunities to apply all he is teaching me. Like, no joke, it's been insane how many doors he's opened allowing me to experience and apply what he's teaching me. GOD IS SO GOOD.

On another note....my "h"' key no longer works. I have ctrl-v'd my way through this entire post and this entire sentence. It is slightly frustrating but it's slowly becoming habit....lol. I ordered a new keyboard today which i KNOW is going to make my typing much easier and my brain much less stressed out. I am allowed to be slightly dramatic about this...yea.

I'm currently sitting next to a toasty fire in the dining hall with awesome people all around. I love the people here, God has set me among such an awesome community of people, I am so extremely blessed. God is good all the time. . . .

~Josie

Cheers!

I leave bright and early tomorrow morning. . . as in by 5am. The sun won't even be awake by then, which is a miracle. You should right this down in your diary of many secrets and wonders so that one day you may tell your kids and grandkids that Josie K. was up and awake with coffee in hand before the sun ever showed his face. ;) So, I'm driving out with my friend Anna and we're taking four days to drive out to the beautiful Colorado. I am so excited about this road trip! The second night we're staying in this cool place in New Mexico, which I can't say here because I'm keeping it as a surprise for Anna. muhaha. But it looks fabulous and makes me happy.

Our itinerary, if you care to know, is as follows:

Thursday -- leave Starkville, MS around 5am and drive West. Most likely reach Little Rock, AR by lunch and Apache, OK by 6pm. Apache, OK is our destination for the first day, we're staying at a ywam base's hospitality suit for the night.

Friday -- leave Apache by 8am and continue driving West. By this point we will have traveled through MS, AR, OK, and be heading into TX. We're planning to stop at every State sign and take a picture. It's going to be awesome. Ok, continue driving and eventually reach NM where we will spend the night in unsaid location.

Saturday -- leave by 8 or 9am and head North where we will travel through Starkville, CO....completely awesome. Pictures will be taken. Take slight detour to the Great Sand Dunes, which are reported to be really cool. Drive to Colorado Springs and bunk for the night.

Sunday -- Tour around Colorado Springs and just chill and hang out for the day. Hopefully go see the Garden of the Gods which are also reported to be really pretty. Sunday is up for change and fun.

Monday -- drive to Denver and send Anna back home on le airplane to MS. Most likely cry some more. Drive by myself to Arvada, CO where I will know no one and be spending the next 5 months of my life. Eeegads.

I'm freaking out just a little bit, but i'm mostly just getting ridiculously emotional. I was watching what not to wear and started tearing up. I mean...c'mon! These next two weeks are going to be long, weird, exciting, good, scary, and thrilling I do believe. I know I'm going to miss my family and friends immensely. But I also know God is loving and I know that He is good and I know that He has called me to this place at this time and that He will never leave me. And for all of those truths, I am extremely grateful.

So, here's to life more abundant and love without end. . . .to God and God alone be the glory! Psalm 115:1

~Josie

Submission. It's Good.

The longer I travel on this journey that God has me taking, the more I discover that HE is bigger than my thoughts and grander than my dreams. There are lots of times when i think that my ideas are perfect and correct, but that generally doesn't last too long. More and more as i walk with HIM i find that HE truly does know best and that HE really does love me and have my best at heart. I am here to glorify HIM, whether that means going or staying, speaking or being quiet.

Lately I've been running into unexpected walls because I keep diverting from the road HE has put me on. I begin to think that i can be useful over there or share a word to that person, but in the end I have come to realize that if my intentions are not to glorify God then they are wrong. Trying to do things out of my own strength or will only leads to frustration and disappointment. . . so can someone explain to me why I cannot get that to stick? I think if you were to whack me with a brick everyday repeating that fact constantly I still may not get it. Surely stubbornness doesn't root itself that deeply. . .

It's nice to know and observe, however, that there are others with similar stories from their travels and truths about who God is and has shown Himself to be. We don't walk this road alone, and as cliche as that may sound it is true. HE doesn't plot out our course, however lovely and desirable that may sound, but calls us to seek HIM out. A great part of the journey is the discovery. I mean, can you imagine how boring it would be if we knew what was around each curve and where HE was taking us next? I love the mysterious nature of God. . .it makes life exciting. HE has showed me, though, that the first step, literally, to walking with HIM along this exciting adventure is submitting to HIM. Nothing else matters until that first step is taken.

True that.

~me

Just So You Know. . .

I love cheese. It's true.


Also, God is good and faithful, even when we are not. There are many things I'd like to do or get accomplished or see flourish, but HE has the final say in it all. HE chooses the path and all HE asks of us is to trust HIM with the rest. Faith conquers fear. This is also true.

~me