Submission. It's Good.

The longer I travel on this journey that God has me taking, the more I discover that HE is bigger than my thoughts and grander than my dreams. There are lots of times when i think that my ideas are perfect and correct, but that generally doesn't last too long. More and more as i walk with HIM i find that HE truly does know best and that HE really does love me and have my best at heart. I am here to glorify HIM, whether that means going or staying, speaking or being quiet.

Lately I've been running into unexpected walls because I keep diverting from the road HE has put me on. I begin to think that i can be useful over there or share a word to that person, but in the end I have come to realize that if my intentions are not to glorify God then they are wrong. Trying to do things out of my own strength or will only leads to frustration and disappointment. . . so can someone explain to me why I cannot get that to stick? I think if you were to whack me with a brick everyday repeating that fact constantly I still may not get it. Surely stubbornness doesn't root itself that deeply. . .

It's nice to know and observe, however, that there are others with similar stories from their travels and truths about who God is and has shown Himself to be. We don't walk this road alone, and as cliche as that may sound it is true. HE doesn't plot out our course, however lovely and desirable that may sound, but calls us to seek HIM out. A great part of the journey is the discovery. I mean, can you imagine how boring it would be if we knew what was around each curve and where HE was taking us next? I love the mysterious nature of God. . .it makes life exciting. HE has showed me, though, that the first step, literally, to walking with HIM along this exciting adventure is submitting to HIM. Nothing else matters until that first step is taken.

True that.

~me

Ridiculous Excitement

The doctor's office called this morning! I got my release form back and i mailed in my application to YWAM!! WHEEE! I am so very happy.

~me

Oh The Awkwardness That Is I. . .

So, progress of getting letters and applications mailed is going rather slowly. I had planned to have my application mailed in last Friday to YWAM, but my doctor was on vacation. That's the last thing i needed to submit my application. OHH the frustrations! Ok, so maybe I'm a wee bit dramatic? Nah. Who knew that a medical release form would take three weeks to complete? Like woah, i know. I'm going to not stress because i really have no control over it and stressing only causes my head to swirl. I'll hopefully be sending out my newsletter before i head off to camp. whoop!

I have mixed feelings about camp of champions this year. Reason number one being that they have moved the forever loved and treasured location from PBJ State Park to some camp ground in Alabama. The new place looks lovely, so that's not it, it's the fact that i am a major introvert and my 'safety blanket' and any form of familiarity has been snatched. Yay. It will be good for me, i know it will. Reason number two is that this year i am going as a staffer/counselor. This part makes me super excited and slightly nervous. I love working with teenagers and am looking forward to what the week will bring, i guess i'm just kind of anxious? You never know who is going to come or what HE is going to do or say, but that is exciting. Expectation is good. Also, prayers would be nice. :)

I got my "big girl" license today. YAY ME! I have been waiting for four long and picture-ugly years to redeem that horrid monstrosity called a license photo. Every time that i had to pull it out to show to a cop or bank teller or waitress i would cringe. If you were to see it then i am pretty sure you would understand and sympathize with me. Seventeen, bad hair cut, awkward, ghostly pale, cheese-tastic smile. Need i say much more? Goodbye vertical monster, hello horizontal awkwardness. .....What? Awkwardness never leaves, silly.

I'm moving to Colorado in three months. Three months, guys! Can i be happy and sad about this? Ok, good. The weather will be great and the fact that my fingers are always so cold won't be completely bizarre. Bonus points! But madam shy pants will most likely get homesick. Let's hope not, but it is likely. I am SO excited though. My newsletter is almost ready. All i have to do is one last revision and then print and stuff 70+ envelopes. I must be a dork because that part makes me so happy. I love snail mail.

Revelation of the day: coffee tastes good with just about everything but it tastes tremendously delicious when paired with banana nut muffins. Om nom nom!

~me

Belly Of A Fish

I remember when the Veggie Tales version of the story of Jonah came out in the theater. I went to go see it with my two best friends, we were thirteen, giddy and got the best seats in the house. It was a cute movie with a good message and memorable songs sung by vegetables. But the story of Jonah is so much more than a tale about a giant fish who swallowed a man only to spit him back up three days later.

The story of Jonah is also my story. I'd rather be likened to another character in the Bible like Samuel or David or perhaps even Moses, but Jonah it is. There is this thing I don't like called the unknown. Also conflict. That too. But yea, not knowing what comes next or how or WHY is something quite scary, in my opinion. Stepping outside of my comfort zone and deciding that what HE has asked of me is more important than my ridiculous concerns and fears. But alas, I am like poor ol' Jonah, I look at the task or request and I run full speed ahead...in the opposite direction. There is some phrase about facing your fears, it's good advice, but I like to be different from the pack; I like to run from my fears. HE says do this, go here, speak that and my flesh will not die. I am like a disease to my own self. Insane, I know.

Jonah didn't have Nineveh in his plan, it wasn't on his regular route and I'm sure he hoped it never would be. We don't get to plan our destinations or the routes by which we get there. The only option we have is to obey or not to obey. Do we do it HIS way or do we turn our backs and run in our own way? Which one do you think brings the greatest amount of satisfaction? On this journey of HIM revealing to me that I am more and more like Jonah than I was at first willing to accept, I have realized that even though I may run there is no place HE is not. David in the Psalms said,

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, and settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast (139:7-10)."

I can try for the rest of my days to run from HIM if I so desire, but it achieves nothing and it hurts because I know that if HE has called me somewhere then HE only means good by it. So perhaps I will save my legs and my breath and run the direction HE has placed before me because I know that submission and obedience bring joy and peace.

Hopefully I won't need a giant fish to swallow me before it completely clicks...

~Josie

Where My Heart Belongs

Hullo! OK, so i have been wandering around the Eastern half of the country for the past week....whew! and have things to share and tell and elaborate on, etc. But I will save that for when i'm not exhausted and have been on the road for 16 hours. Exactly.

BUT...i just wanted to let you know that the Smokey Mountains ARE RIDICULOUSLY GORGEOUS AND YOU SHOULD GO SEE THEM....NOW! i'm really sure that my heart belongs in the mountains, so i guess i'll test this upcoming fall to see if it's the East or West version of mountain that i prefer. In the meantime, however, drive to TN/NC and soak in the beauty because it is glorious.

~me

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

There are some words that i really love, ones that i only use in certain situations and some that i cherish so much i only use once in a blue moon. Words, big or small, weird or not, have so much more significance and value than i think we credit them for. It's funny how words that get continuously used slowly lose their meaning, depth or worth and fade into the over-used pile. This is always a shame, but they always seem to make a comeback sooner or later. However, along with these words that i completely adore there are words that i absolutely despise. Some are just picky like "get", i don't know why but i just cannot stand that word. And yes i know i already used it once in this post, i tried to bypass it with no success. However, there is a word that i wish would completely fade out of existence and never make it's way back around. "Fail." It has no grace, no glory, no beauty, no strength, no encouragement and no peaceful sound. If you can imagine nails running down on a chalkboard or the noise of a violent crash of objects, this is what i hear when that word is spoken; painful noise. The weight that this word carries is so much more heavy and deteriorating than many people believe it to be and i honestly wish it would just die. What makes anything a fail? By whose standards is one judging this or that or him or her and with right, to the point where the word "fail" is used as a descriptor? Perhaps it has become more culturally hip and therefore roles more freely off the tongue. Still....it can be saved, it can be spared for those times when you didn't work your butt off as much in chemistry class as you should have and therefore deserve that horrid F. Just the same though, i am not in favor of this word, may it rest in pieces. HE does not create anything that is defined as a failure. I would however like to leave you with my favorite word of all time. It is simple and eloquent and i feel that it sums up more than most of its competitors. I am a fan.

Beautiful.

~me

Summer Plans

My so-called summer "to-do" list:

1) girl trip to Virginia to see cousins

2) D.C. visit as well

3) dye a streak of my hair hot pink

4) make a few trips down to the beach

5) my BIRTHDAY! planning and celebrating and the likes

6) be a counselor at camp of champions

7) play frisbee or softball or volleyball at least twice a week

8) picnics

9) experiment some more with tie dying

10) apply to YWAM

11) write and send out newsletter

12) hopefully visit family in Nashville again

13) be a counselor at Ikthoos Camp

14) finish at least the fourth season of Buffy

15) talk G.C. into getting me a great dane for my birthday

16) make lots of artsy crafty doodads

17) go swimming and enjoy it. . .water--yuck

18) wrap up small groups :(

19) cook in more and eat out less

20) go to the zoo

21) ride the Bruce more

22) spend more time with the fam

23) soak up every moment of the last summer i will have with all of my friends in the same town

This could possibly be the most bitter-sweet of summers i will ever experience but God is good and all He does is out of love. So, i'm hoping and looking forward to a terrific summer and i hope that you are as well because summer is AWESOME. Exactly.

~me

♥

May the 4th be with you!

source

....and dinosaurs too.

~me