I know.
Life goes on. Perhaps not as I envisioned it to be, but nonetheless, it goes on.
My year with YWAM was more than incredible and much needed. Toward the end of my Phase II school this past Spring I began writing down my dreams and visions for life and the future and asking God what He wanted me to do and where he was leading me next. I knew what I wanted to do, if I had had my way I would have stayed in Denver almost indefinitely with YWAM, but I don't regret where God has taken me and what He's doing. Which brings me to my next step, where He called me, which was back home to Starkville, MS. Hesitation and denial were a few of my first impulses, but I knew it wasn't me or my silly mind playing tricks on me. I had a peace about coming home, maybe not completely clear direction or understanding as to why He was calling me home, but I've come to learn that He doesn't reveal all things at once. Life is a process, we have to unwrap it and go with the flow and as we do things will begin to make sense. Which they have.
Things I knew I was to do upon coming back: 1)start a prayer room/group for the community of believers in Starkville. 2)lead another Bible study and lead an outreach off of it to South or Central America. 3)co-labor with God to bring revival to Starkville.
Am I crazy? maybe. Do I care that people think that or don't fully understand me? no.
I'm here on God's errand, not man's, so of course it's not going to look normal or "right" by other standards or even sound realistic or practical. I am but one, but I am not alone.
More than once I have wanted to run back to the beautiful Rocky Mountains I call home, or fly to another country and simply stay there, but just like Esther, I know that God has placed me here for a specific agenda and purpose and if I don't walk in his will and do as He's called me to, He will pick someone else. Courage is growing, as is patience and hope. My timing is nowhere near the timing of the Lord's....nowhere near it.
I just finished planting a few things for this spring, some herbs, veggies and flowers. They're currently sitting in the kitchen windowsill freshly watered and gathering in sunlight. I know it's unrealistic and silly but I've already had the urge, more than once, to run over there and see if they've sprouted anything in the last 4 hours. There is a germination stage and a growing stage which are both obviously necessary before there can be a harvesting stage for these plants. I've gardened for years, I know the process and the toil, trial and error it takes to produce exactly what you want from your garden. However, it is much harder to take that truth and apply it to real life circumstances. It is much harder to pioneer things with people than with plants. Let's just be real.
But nonetheless, here I am, with no idea of what I'm doing. But seriously. Sometimes, actually most of the time, I'm pretty sure there are other people out there who are much more capable and qualified of doing this task than I am, but then we can just go back to that saying that God qualifies the called, not the reverse. Which seems pleasant in retrospect, but in reality it's rather scary because that means he throws you into the situation and then gives you the ammunition and strength needed to get through it. Learn as you go, grow as you go.These are my thoughts, these are a few of my dreams.
Pray with me as I prep for leading a short term outreach to Central America this summer.
Here's to the unknown and looking foolish for you know Who.
~Josie K. Lewis
