Sometimes others words say things better than words from my own mouth. . .
"I wonder if I'll ever find my way.
I wonder if my life could really change, at all.
All this earth..
Could all that is lost ever be found?
Could a garden come up from this ground, at all?
You make beautiful things,
You make beautiful things out of dust.
You make beautiful things,
You make beautiful things out of us.
All around,
Hope is springin up from this old ground.
Out of chaos, life is being found in You.
You make me new,
You are making me new.
You make me new,
You are making me new."
-- Gungor
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Home Again...
You would think it's monsoon season here in Mississippi with the amount of rain we've been getting as of late. However, I'm more than sure that the 56% of the US that was in a drought is more than thankful.
The rain always makes me introspective and curious, which probably explains why I have been in such a writing mood these last few days. I'm so thankful that HE made some of us writers and others of us speakers and that I got placed into the writing slot. I like it here.
I've been back home going on three weeks this Saturday. It feels like longer and to be honest I would hop on a plane or in my car and return to Denver in a heartbeat if I could. But I know deep down inside of me where things don't always make complete sense, that I am supposed to be here...now. People ask me, and most likely will continue to ask me, how long I am back for, what my plans are, what I am doing next. Which is a reasonable question I suppose, but the answer isn't so simple or quick as some want or expect it to be. To pour out my hopes, visions, and plans isn't a passing comment I make or a ridiculous notion I've got in my head, rather it's something very close to my heart that very few people will take the time to listen to. That's okay...honest. Because, in reality, I'm probably more scared of my reply and answer than you are of hearing it. It's jolting, weird, out there, daring, and risky, possibly even humbling. But that is what makes me thrive, that is what gets me excited and challenges me even further. I cannot be idle.
Which brings me to my response. All of these questions I receive usually get the response of "I don't know" which is quite embarrassing or frustrating to admit at times, however it is true. I simply don't know. And that's okay. I was listening to a podcast the other day from the church I attended while in Denver, Mile High Vineyard, and Pastor Jay was speaking on evangelism. I heard this message before, I was there when it was recorded, but hearing it again in a new environment with new people, ideas, attitudes, and atmosphere surrounding me provided me with a new perspective on one of the points he made. During this particular sermon pastor Jay was talking about how he ventured out to speak on his public campus about Jesus and did so for years. He said that as he began to do this he began to realize he knew nothing of the Bible because people would ask him questions about scripture and his response would more often than not be "I don't know." However, he would always return to his dorm room and study on the scriptures asked about so next time he would have a valid response.
If you stick with me I'll explain where I am headed with this. I feel like that's me. I'm the one who is daring to do something weird and challenging and only I know the real reason and truth behind it all. I can't help but do and speak and live out what I am passionate about...which is Jesus. I may, and have, started down this really strange and uncertain road with no clear direction, my windshield is fogged and it's raining so hard that I can't see a thing. So I simply sit and wait. I wait for clarity so I can move forward, I humbly and graciously respond to people with the truth, whether that be a clear answer of movement in some direction or a simple and honest "I don't know." But in the sitting and the waiting I am not idle, that must be made clear. Sitting before HIM with desperate longing to know what to do yet simply longing to just be in HIS presence. He knows my heart, He put the passions I have inside of me, He gets it...all of it.
He is more concerned with who I am than what I am doing. That will always remain true.
The rain always makes me introspective and curious, which probably explains why I have been in such a writing mood these last few days. I'm so thankful that HE made some of us writers and others of us speakers and that I got placed into the writing slot. I like it here.
I've been back home going on three weeks this Saturday. It feels like longer and to be honest I would hop on a plane or in my car and return to Denver in a heartbeat if I could. But I know deep down inside of me where things don't always make complete sense, that I am supposed to be here...now. People ask me, and most likely will continue to ask me, how long I am back for, what my plans are, what I am doing next. Which is a reasonable question I suppose, but the answer isn't so simple or quick as some want or expect it to be. To pour out my hopes, visions, and plans isn't a passing comment I make or a ridiculous notion I've got in my head, rather it's something very close to my heart that very few people will take the time to listen to. That's okay...honest. Because, in reality, I'm probably more scared of my reply and answer than you are of hearing it. It's jolting, weird, out there, daring, and risky, possibly even humbling. But that is what makes me thrive, that is what gets me excited and challenges me even further. I cannot be idle.
Which brings me to my response. All of these questions I receive usually get the response of "I don't know" which is quite embarrassing or frustrating to admit at times, however it is true. I simply don't know. And that's okay. I was listening to a podcast the other day from the church I attended while in Denver, Mile High Vineyard, and Pastor Jay was speaking on evangelism. I heard this message before, I was there when it was recorded, but hearing it again in a new environment with new people, ideas, attitudes, and atmosphere surrounding me provided me with a new perspective on one of the points he made. During this particular sermon pastor Jay was talking about how he ventured out to speak on his public campus about Jesus and did so for years. He said that as he began to do this he began to realize he knew nothing of the Bible because people would ask him questions about scripture and his response would more often than not be "I don't know." However, he would always return to his dorm room and study on the scriptures asked about so next time he would have a valid response.
If you stick with me I'll explain where I am headed with this. I feel like that's me. I'm the one who is daring to do something weird and challenging and only I know the real reason and truth behind it all. I can't help but do and speak and live out what I am passionate about...which is Jesus. I may, and have, started down this really strange and uncertain road with no clear direction, my windshield is fogged and it's raining so hard that I can't see a thing. So I simply sit and wait. I wait for clarity so I can move forward, I humbly and graciously respond to people with the truth, whether that be a clear answer of movement in some direction or a simple and honest "I don't know." But in the sitting and the waiting I am not idle, that must be made clear. Sitting before HIM with desperate longing to know what to do yet simply longing to just be in HIS presence. He knows my heart, He put the passions I have inside of me, He gets it...all of it.
He is more concerned with who I am than what I am doing. That will always remain true.
One scripture that has been running through my head these past few days is Philippians 4:6-7 which says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
It's reassuring that even when I don't know the answer, He does and He will come through in due time if we wait on Him. He is good at what He does, always has been, always will be.
~Josie K.
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