I have been home for three weeks and leave for Colorado again in three weeks which, for me, is more than difficult to believe and wrap my head around. I feel like a) I just got home, b) I just left for outreach, c) I just graduated from DTS, and/or d) all of the above and more. The season of life that I am in now is completely amazing, God is so kind and He continues to teach me so much about Him and myself which daily blows my mind. I've been reading through the book of Matthew for the past month or so because I realized recently that I hadn't read through any of the Gospels in quite awhile. Jesus is such a rad guy and His disciples are almost complete dunce buckets, making me wonder all the more, "why them" or "how did Jesus put up with them?!" Let me restate that God is kind. The more I read in Matthew the more I want to slap the disciples because sometimes they are dumb or the more I want to run and hide from Jesus who is more than amazing and terrifying. But If you think about it the twelve were THE first disciples and they had a lot to learn and therefore they were given much grace. Even in the presence of the Son of God they were free to be themselves, ask possibly dumb questions, and simply learn how to live Jesus and one another. Which is how it's meant to be. We are called to be free and lay our broken bodies before Him unashamedly. The disciples may have not been the brightest bulbs in the bunch but they learned as they walked with Jesus and even though they messed up or didn't even try at all Jesus was still full of grace and love for them.
Some days I'd like to think I'm smarter or wiser than the 12 disciples but then I think 'hey, they changed the world...' They may have had their slip ups and failures, sure, but who doesn't? I know I've had mine and probably have more waiting for me later down the road, but that's not what we focus on, that's not where we place our worth, value, or sights. I've learned that we can't judge our failures or successes by another man's, knowing that that'll just bring frustration and despair, but should learn to judge or measure what we do or don't do by His word. He will always take us back even though the world rejects us every time. We may not be the brightest bulbs in the pack either but He has still chosen us and called us out, which means that He trusts us and loves us; He knows we're capable of whatever He gives us whether we get it on the first try or not.
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14
~Josie
